“Eureka, I’ve got it.”
In 1995 Clifton Earl Johnson, a very confident man, came up with a brilliant bank heist. He and his partner McArthur Wheeler robbed two banks at gunpoint in Pittsburgh without wearing masks. They didn’t care that the camera recorded their entire robbery from start to finish.
Did they have an accomplice to hack into the system and delete the entire thing?
Did they exchange the security tapes with an endless loop of a normal bank procedure?
So what allowed them to casually rob two banks and walk back home as if nothing had happened?
Let me tell you:
It was Lemon juice. Lots of lemon juice. They covered their whole bodies in it – including their eyes. Can you imagine the burning pain?
Why did they do such an outrageous thing?
Simple: they were 100% convinced lemon juice made them invisible. But six days later, the police caught Johnson. And two months later, Wheeler got arrested as well.
When the detectives showed them the tapes from their robberies, they said:
“But we wore the lemon juice, we wore the lemon juice.”
You might ask yourself, what does this story have to do with becoming a more confident man or attracting women?
In dating, there are many things you believe will give you unbreakable confidence and better results with women. While all you really do is squeeze lemon juice in your eyes.
What is this lemon juice?
It’s the belief that you must be incredibly rich, handsome, funny, and charming.
Don’t get me wrong, all those things can help, but it’s not the crucial things that create the confidence women cannot resist.
Take my client Tony, for example:
- He runs a successful marketing consulting company.
- When my friend Mila met him, she thought he is the most handsome man she has ever seen.
- And to top it all up, he has a French Accent.
Before we worked together, he didn’t feel confident and was always looking for approval from the girls he liked.
In fact, when I met him, he had already wasted 25.000,00 Euros on various gurus who sold them their “lemon juice” to become more confident with women.
And since lemon juice is better enjoyed as a lemonade, I’ll save you the pain of rubbing it into your eyes.
Because in this post, you’ll going to discover:
- A clear definition of what it means to be a confident man
- The scientifically proven reason why women feel attracted to confident men
- The Confidence Trap that stops most men from getting the women they want
- 15 ways to build real long-lasting confidence that women cannot resist
What is a confident man?
A confident man is aware of his strengths and weaknesses. He is not afraid to admit his flaws, ask for help, and doesn’t take his shortcomings seriously. A confident man knows how to act on his talents and can explain to others what makes him unique while staying humble. Self-awareness is the source of his confidence.
You may have already read a similar definition 1000’s of times online.
But I’m German and cannot help it if I’m doing something; I want to do it right. So I wanted to define what it means to be a confident man first before showing you why women love confident men and how to become one yourself.
Why is a confident man so attractive to women? (according to science)
Multiple studies have shown women are drawn to confident men.
But what is it about being confident that women find so irresistible?
Science can provide us with an answer. Subconsciously women see a confident man as someone who can keep them safe. In other words, in case of an emergency, he wouldn’t bail on her and their future kids. An excellent example of that is the Ukrainian president Volodymyr Zelenskyy.
He decided not to leave his country after the Russian invasion.
And this action made him instantly a sex symbol for many women around the world.
Vice magazine reported there are even talks to make him People magazine’s sexiest man alive. That’s why virtually all men aspire to be more confident.
There’s only one problem:
Most men don’t understand what being confident around women really means.
So they start falling for the Confidence Trap.
The Confidence Trap
Most men set unrealistic expectations for themselves.
So they work out, dress better, and use positive affirmations, only to discover they still can’t talk to women. Or, even worse, they fall into the Confidence Trap:
“I wish I was more confident with women…”
“How do I get more confidence?”
“I need to talk to more women…”
“But I’m not confident enough to talk to women…”
“So I need to talk to more women…”
“But I’m not confident enough to talk to women…”
And now they’re stuck in a vicious cycle.
Studies have shown relying on looks, money, and experience alone to feel confident around women is just a myth. Real confidence means being able to approach women even if you don’t feel good, look good, or you’re inexperienced.
The question now is how to develop true self-confidence?
This is what I want to show you right now instead of just talking about the signs of a confident man or the traits of confident men.
How to become a confident man: 15 ways to build long-lasting confidence
Here are 15 proven ways to become an extremely confident man:
1. Tip the confidence scale in your favor
Let’s start by getting to the core of why you don’t feel confident around women.
First, you believe you have nothing to offer to women. You think you don’t deserve to be with your dream girl. The more attractive a woman is, the more you feel that way. In psychology, there’s even a name for it, imposter syndrome.
Second, whenever you meet an attractive woman, you immediately put her on a pedestal.
Her beauty makes you forget she’s only human, just like you. So you immediately think she’s way better than you.
In other words, you believe you’re inferior to her.
So how can you get more confident with women?
You need to tip the Confidence Scale in your favor. And there are two ways to do that…
1: Discover your attractive qualities
You need to realize all the qualities you have that women find attractive. I already can hear your inner critic saying: “But I don’t have any attractive qualities, and I’m not good-looking!”
First, while it’s true that women are attracted to good-looking men, looks don’t even make it into the top 5 things women want in a man. This fact has been proven.
Second, you’re reading this article, aren’t you?
This tells me you are:
- Smart because you realize you have a problem that needs fixing…
- Humble because you’re willing to accept help…
- And last but not least, you’re serious about improving yourself…
If you ever asked yourself what women want from men, ambition, humility, and intelligence are definitely among the top 5 things.
To find out more hidden attractive qualities, you can start by asking a friend or family member about your strengths.
Plus, you can check out the following personality tests:
I strongly advise you to take a test or at least ask your friends and family.
Because coming up with your own strengths by yourself can be really hard. It’s human nature to take your strengths for granted.
2. Stop putting women on a pedestal
You have to stop thinking women are perfect creatures and don’t have any shortcomings. No matter how beautiful and intimidating she may seem, she has flaws and insecurities behind the pretty facade.
If you want to know what is happening inside a beautiful woman’s head, I invite you to check out my article: The secret reason men fail with women.
Once you work on tipping the Confidence Scale, you’ll be way more confident around girls.
Because you won’t be intimidated by her beauty, and you’ll realize you have the personality traits she’s looking for.
2. Find inner peace
Meditation has been shown in multiple studies to affect your overall well-being and confidence positively.
Scientists have observed that your brain changes after meditating for just 10 minutes a day for a few weeks. And the best part is that you don’t need to become a Buddhist monk to get these benefits. The meditation technique I use is the same Navy Seals use to stay calm in a combat zone.
It’s called Box Breathing.
Here’s a link to a YouTube video teaching you the 4 simple steps to meditate like a Navy Seal: Mark Divine – Box Breathing
3. Get off your butt
Physical activity releases hormones that make you happier.
This is why many therapists prescribe sports to cope with depression. And if you feel your best, you’ll be more confident when you’re talking to women. Now, how can you start?
If you haven’t seen the inside of a gym for quite some time, don’t sweat it.
Start by taking a 20-minute brisk walk.
4. Wear “comfy” clothes
I’m not asking you to spend $1500 on a Gucci shirt.
Instead, find the style that makes you feel comfortable in your own skin. Let me give you an example: I love wearing jumpers. But it doesn’t make me feel good. On the other hand, whenever I wear a nice shirt and a great pair of jeans, I immediately feel like a million bucks.
Research shows the clothes you wear change how you feel about yourself.
So how can you start building your feel-good wardrobe?
Go to a local Zara and ask a store clerk for help with what you should wear.
You’ll be surprised how inexpensive a great outfit can be.
5. Work towards your goals
Doesn’t it always feel great when you complete a task, especially if it’s difficult?
Just the great feeling you get from a job well done. According to famous life coach Tony Robbins:
“Progress = Happiness”
If you set goals for each day and you make progress on them, your confidence will increase.
It’s human nature to always focus on the negatives and our limitations. We really suck when it comes to patting our backs for a job well done. That’s why after you set your goals, break them down into small step-by-step pieces that you can work on every day.
And keep track of them every day using free apps you can easily find in the App or Playstore by searching for “habit tracker.”
6. Surround yourself with confident people (and ideas)
Jim Rohn, a famous motivational speaker, once said:
“You’re the average of the 5 people you spent the most time with”.
Well, it’s true. You subconsciously pick up on their beliefs, habits, and character traits. Now I’m not asking you to cut out all your friends. Instead, it’s enough to surround yourself with the ideas and thoughts of confident and successful people. Pick someone you genuinely admire and listen to their podcasts and read their books.
You’ll start imitating them subconsciously in no time.
7. Work on your body language
Studies have found that your body and mind are interconnected.
If you smile, even if it’s a fake smile, it’s hard to feel sad or have negative thoughts. The same applies if you walk confidently. It’ll make you feel more confident. I found a great instruction video by Real Men Real Style.
The presenter shows you 10 tips to appear confident using your body language while walking.
8. Put your smartphone away for most of the day
We pay a high price to be connected with the world 24/7.
Studies have revealed using our phones too often makes us anxious and depressed. This means your phone can prevent you from feeling confident around women. So how do you not let your phone ruin your dating life?
Set up specific times when you check your messages and for the rest of the day, just turn it off. Or at least get rid of all the notifications. So if there’s an emergency, you’ll still be reachable.
Trust me, you won’t miss out on much, and people will get used to getting a reply from you only at certain times.
9. Stop watching the news and your social media feed
According to research, watching the news or consuming too much social media harms your confidence.
If you constantly only see the bad in the world or compare yourself to people that have more than you… you’ll end up feeling awful. You’ll drag this negative energy into the next conversation you have with a woman, whether you like it or not. So go cold turkey on the news.
I haven’t watched the news for years, but I learned about all the important stuff through friends.
And for social media, just use it to message people but keep your feed empty.
10. Appreciate the little things
Start your day by focusing on at least 5 things you’re grateful for.
It can be as big or small as you like:
- Food delivery apps
- Having a roof over your head
- Your next holiday
- The juicy steak from last night
We are so busy focusing on the things we don’t have or didn’t achieve yet that we take all the good things we have for granted.
But it’s worth paying attention to all the positive things in your life. Studies have revealed that reminding yourself daily about all the positive things in life will give you a more positive outlook. That’s why people who pray are happier and live longer.
They say grace and show appreciation for all the things they have in life.
11. Eat your vegetables
Just like you can’t put diet coke in your gas tank and expect your engine to work smoothly, you can’t stuff yourself with junk food and expect to operate at your best.
Which foods are healthy and which ones aren’t? There are gazillions of opinions on the Internet. And I’m not an expert. But I believe most people intuitively already know what foods they should eat. We simply enjoy our junk food too much to listen to reason.
I don’t think telling you to eat more vegetables and to avoid processed foods is mind-blowing advice.
But if you listen to it, your confidence and your whole body will thank you for it.
12. Protect your beauty sleep
Not getting enough sleep impacts your self-confidence:
- Negative thoughts constantly pop up
- You’ll have zero energy to go for what you want
- If you manage to give a presentation at work or talk to a cute girl, you won’t be at your best
Sleep is so important that I make all my clients take a test developed by sleep scientist Dr. Michael Breus.
13. Maintain eye contact with women
Famous writer Paulo Coelho once said:
“The eyes are the mirror of the soul.”
And a confident man isn’t afraid to let a woman look into his. But if you don’t feel comfortable holding prolonged eye contact with women yet, then do the following exercise: Next time you go for a walk, try to maintain eye contact with as many women as possible. Keep on doing it over and over.
Gradually you’ll become more comfortable with holding eye contact.
If this exercise is too scary for you to pull off, don’t worry.
There are plenty of videos on YouTube where you can practice eye contact with women for free from the comfort of your home. See them as your eye contact training wheels.
Your mind cannot distinguish between a real woman and the image you see on the screen.
14. Stop watching porn
You might think, ‘what’s the connection between confidence and porn?’
Research has shown that men who watch porn suffer from low self-confidence. So even if you’re not addicted to it, porn really does a number on your brain’s chemistry. Because your brain is simply not made to be exposed to so many stimuli (bobbies) all the time.
This leads to your happiness hormones (serotonin) getting depleted fast.
15. Let the woman decide if she likes you or not
“It’s not your job to figure out why a woman can’t sleep with you.”
This is what my dad was telling me over and over again when I was growing up. But it took me many years to fully appreciate his wisdom. So many times, I didn’t dare to talk to attractive women because I thought they were out of my league. Until I just made this mindset shift:
Let the woman decide if she likes you or not.
She’s a grown-up, and she doesn’t need you to make decisions for her.
Your Efficient Dating Advisor,
Herman The German