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How to start a conversation on Tinder: 12 ingredients to create a first message she can’t resist

How to start a conversation on Tinder: 12 ingredients to create a first message she can’t resist

You’ve got a new match but have no idea what to text her? Here are 12 simple ingredients to start an interesting conversation with your match…

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How to start a conversation on Tinder: 12 ingredients to create a first message she can’t resist

I know the above title sounds too good to be true. 

Usually, when experts promise to show you how to start a conversation on Tinder, they’ll give you a first message based on marketing techniques such as open loops or clickbaits

They’re like those weird online ads with captions like “Doctors hate this trick.” 

Most likely, some smarty pants thought he could use the same techniques in dating, and everyone’s been copying him since then. 

What I have to show you today couldn’t be more different from what you see online. 

Here’s why:

I’m not a marketer, and neither are you… well, even if you are, still, we’re not trying to manipulate or trick her into buying one of our products. Instead, we want to build a real connection with her.

So how about we create a first message that not only gets her attention but also suggests you’re attractive and different?

It also sets up the conversation to create a real deep connection, and it’s totally customizable based on your personality.

Women replying positive on Tinder after learning how to start a tinder conversation
Keep reading to discover how to create a first message that gets responses like these.

Sounds great, right?

But that’s not all…

In the next few minutes, I’ll show you: 

  • The best time to send a message to stand out from all the other guys fighting for her attention on Tinder
  • The step-by-step psychological breakdown of how a woman decides if she’ll text you back or ignore you
  • 5 Things you absolutely should avoid if you want her to reply
  • A Real-Life Example of the Efficient Conversation Starter you can legally steal whenever you’re struggling to come up with your very own message

Let’s dive in: 

Table of Contents

How to start a conversation on Tinder

If you’re absolutely out of ideas, the easiest place to start is to just ask a question or to give a compliment about their profile photos. Everyone loves to talk and read about themselves. So you can use it to your advantage to capture their attention quickly. And to increase your chance of a reply significantly. 

I’m sure I’m not the first one to tell you this. 

But if you’re in a rush, you can use this advice to craft a decent message. 

Now, if you want to super-charge your message and get tons of replies, then do the following…

Get 7 copy & paste messages to start flirty conversations on any dating app

becomeherman.com copy and paste template

Try them, see her answer, and use the messages any time you want, on any girl you like, forever

How to start a conversation on Tinder with any woman with these 12 simple ingredients: 

Here are 12 tips to start a conversation on Tinder:

1. Forget about pickup lines

How to start a conversation on Tinder – 1. Forget about pick up lines
This awkward situation could have been avoided just by reading her name first.

Yes, sending a copy-paste message is better than sending a plain “Hi.” 

In fact, copy-paste messages seem like a great solution, especially when you don’t know how to text a woman efficiently. They promise fast results with minimal effort, but they do more harm than good if you think about it. 

Here’s why:

First, you won’t be the only guy using it

Especially if where you copied it from is quite popular and has a big audience among other men. The more guys use it, the less effective it is. 

Second, let’s assume the copy-pasted message got her to reply. 

Now what?

Most likely, you have no idea how to continue the conversation

Even if the message’s original author knows how to move forward, it will be in his own style. So you have to rely on copying and pasting all of his subsequent messages. This eventually leads to two problems:

  1. The girl has to respond to your copy-paste message as predicted so you can send the next message. If she goes off-script even a little bit, you won’t know how to react, and the conversation stops.
  2. Even if you manage to get her on a date, do you think she’ll notice you don’t talk in the same style as your copy-paste messages?

And if that happens, what are the chances you’ll get a second date? 

Exactly, close to zero.

2. Don’t creep her out

How to start a conversation on Tinder – 2. Don't creep her out
+3 Points for being persistent but -10 points for creeping her out.

After generic openers, sexual ones are the most common mistake men make… crazy, right?

So it’s not surprising if women ignore or block you as soon as you write something creepy or too direct… even if it’s just a joke. Instead, you must get her to feel comfortable enough to trust you. The more comfortable she feels with you, the faster she’ll get sexual.

The most efficient way to do that is by letting her get to know you and showing genuine interest in her. The conversation starter I’ll show you by the end of the article allows you to do just that.

Wouldn’t you love to start building trust with her immediately and not waste time playing games?

3. Stop saying “Hi” 

How to start a conversation on Tinder – 3. Stop saying “Hi”
According to Swipestats,“Hi” is the #1 conversation starter on Tinder.

Most first messages guys use online look like this: 

  • “Hi”
  • “Hey”
  • “Hey, gorgeous”
  • “Pls marry me.”
  • “Show Boobs”
  • “Wanna see my doll collection?”

… and whatnot. 

While these openings look totally normal at first, they really make it hard for women to reply.

I mean, why should she answer a message she has already heard 100s of times before? 

Such openers are a missed opportunity in my book. They don’t tell women anything about you or your personality, so they have reason to want to get to know you, let alone be interested in you.

Bonus Tip: Did you know the more your messages go unanswered, the lower your Tinder algorithm score will be? 

The algorithm will just assume women don’t want to talk to you.

4. Don’t share too much 

How to start a conversation on Tinder – 4. Don’t share too much
I’m pretty sure even you wouldn’t read such a long first message… so why should she?

A lot of guys think the more they tell a woman about themselves, the faster she can decide if she wants to be with them or not.

It’s true… but sharing walls of text right from the start is the wrong way to do it. It shows to her you’re putting her on a pedestal. Trying to qualify yourself, hoping she chooses you. A better way to share your strengths quickly is by having a great profile. 

I explain to you how to build a great profile in detail in my article: How to get more matches on Tinder.

Sharing good profile pictures (that display your hobbies, job, friends, etc.) and having a profile bio that tells her something else about you gives her a good idea of what dating you would be like. 

And it does so without you explicitly trying to impress her. 

After you match with her, you can gradually text her more about yourself and get to know her better.

5. Don’t insult her

How to start a conversation on Tinder – 5. Don’t insult her
He got her attention… But he can forget about getting a date.

Do you like to get insulted by strangers? 

Well, neither does she. I know it can be tough sometimes to keep your cool, especially if she doesn’t respond to you for days. But it’s absolutely pointless to send her rude messages.

It might make you feel better to vent, but it also kills every chance you still have to get her on a date.

6. Text her at Tinder Prime Time

How to start a conversation on Tinder – 6. Text her at Tinder Prime Time
Over 55% of all Tinder users are online at 9 p.m. Chances are she’s one of them.

On average, a woman gets 5-10 new messages each day on Tinder.

And some women even report getting as much as 150-200 a day. This means that even if you write her the perfect message created by Shakespeare, she might not see it.

So to get the pole position inside her cluttered Tinder inbox, text her at the time she’ll most likely be online and see your message pop up first:

  • Monday-Thursday 8-10 p.m.
  • Sunday Afternoon or 8-10 p.m. 

Saturday and Friday nights are the worst times as she is out with her friends.

7. Text her as soon as you match

How to start a conversation on Tinder – 7. Text her as soon as you match
If you don’t want to wait until the Tinder Prime Time, then text her immediately after you match with her.

“Don’t wait until it’s too late.”

With this simple slogan, you can remind yourself to text her when you match. As I mentioned before, a woman’s Tinder inbox is full of messages from guys fighting for her attention. So if you’re too busy to text during the prime time, do it immediately after you match.

Otherwise, you risk that your message will collect dust inside her inbox.

8. Work on your presentation

How to start a conversation on Tinder – 8. Work on your presentation
This is a before and after picture of a Tinder profile from a client of mine. Now he gets significantly more replies than before.

Even the best first message may not work if your profile isn’t well crafted. 

Because this is how a woman decides if she texts you back:

  1. She reads your message
  2. She checks your profile again
  3. She replies 


Because she instantly forgets what your profile looks like after swiping right on you. Therefore she’ll check again to make sure she made the right choice. 

So make sure you have great pictures and a well-crafted Tinder bio.

9. Read her profile

How to start a conversation on Tinder – 9. Read her profile
Her profile is a great resource for figuring out what to text.

Don’t be lazy!

When you get a match with a woman, take a minute and read her profile. It’ll pay off. You can figure out what interest she has and what you like the most about her…

And all this information will come in handy when crafting your first message.

10. Mention her name

By using her name, your opening message will be personalized and doesn’t look like a copy-paste message you send to every girl.

Also, there’s a reason why Dale Carnegie – author of the best-selling book How to win friends and influence people – said: “A person’s name is the sweetest sound they can hear.” It simply works. 

That’s why all the best dating app openers should include her name. 

11. Admit the real reason why you’re texting her

Most of us pretend to do online dating because it’s convenient.

While this may be true, there’s another hidden reason most guys prefer online dating: They’re afraid of rejection in real life, so online dating seems like a much easier option. 

But you know what? 

Having such fears can be your greatest ally in dating. 

Let me explain:

An attractive woman has a sixth sense of when guys are pretending to be confident. As I said, most guys start a conversation by using creative pick-up lines to impress her.


Because they’re desperately trying to hide their insecurities and fears.

But you’re going to impress her and connect with her (on a level most guys never will) by just admitting the real reason why you’re talking to her on Tinder. It will make you a hero in her eyes.

I’ll show you some real-life examples of exactly how to do it below. 

12. Tell her that you find her attractive

Give her a reason why you want to talk to her.

In the book Influence,psychology professor Robert Cialdini describes a fascinating study on the power of giving people a reason why when requesting something. The study concluded that adding the word “because” to a request made it much more likely for it to be accepted. 

In our case, just be specific about what you find attractive about her. Using “because” is good but don’t get hung up on it. It’s still better to just mention a reason why than to say it.

Most likely, it was something about her profile that caught your attention, right? 

Well, that’s your reason for talking to her. 

By mentioning it, you also make your romantic intentions clear right away, so it prevents you from getting friend-zoned

Pretty cool what just a first message can do, right?

Tip: And if you’re wondering how to start a conversation on Tinder with a girl with no bio, just comment on her picture.

 The Efficient Conversation Starter

Girls replying on Tinder after you discover how to start a conversation on Tinder
My Tinder inbox after I sent my Efficient Conversation Starter to some matches.

What kind of message can you create by combining all the ingredients?

A message that creates a strong and unique first impression while also setting you up for going on a date with her as soon as possible.

I call it the Efficient Conversation Starter.

Let’s take a look at a real-life example:

Efficient Conversation Starter Real-Life Example

Woman replying on a first message: How to start a conversation on Tinder
If you’re being honest, then she’ll reward you with attention, an interesting conversation, and more.

Try not to copy this message 1:1 but use this article to craft your own message.

It’ll be unique, so you don’t have to worry about other guys sending her the same message.

More examples of the Efficient Conversation Starter

Examples of how to start a conversation on Tinder
What works on Tinder will also work on social media. Keep reading to discover how you can get more real-life examples of the Efficient Conversation Starter…

If you want to see more examples, plus how to use the same ingredients to start a conversation with a woman on social media or in real life, then follow the link below:

Click here to make almost any woman interested in you

Your Efficient Dating Advisor,

Herman The German

How to start a conversation on Tinder – Become Her Man logo

Guten Tag, I’m Herman the German, original inventor of the Efficient Dating Systems Made in Germany.

I help smart, single men finally get and keep the girl they really want.

Using my background as a Frankfurt-trained financial engineer, I went on a quest to find dating patterns that truly work – my friends asked me to use my cold analytical skills to help them notice recurring patterns in their dating life.

This has been my single obsession since 2012.

Throughout my decade-long research, I was interviewed by German media, curious to know what I’d identified. And I was invited on many occasions to talk on stage as a guest expert – although I prefer the term life-long learner as I keep discovering new principles and techniques in my private practice.

As an introduction to my systems, I’m offering you to try my proven conversation starter template to make almost any woman interested in you, at no cost.

Claim your welcome gift now at: www.becomeherman.com/discover/

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Don’t forget to claim your welcome gift:

“A unique conversation starter to make almost any woman interested in you”

becomeherman conversation starter

Even the best guys who understand women can still learn new things:

Discover the 5 powerful psychological triggers every opening message needs to get almost any woman interested in you instantly.

Plus: get seven real-life examples you can immediately copy/paste to start flirty conversations with attractive women on apps like Tinder, Instagram, Facebook, and even in real life!

Proven through a decade of testing by my clients, myself, and soon you:

You're 50% there...

becomeherman conversation starter

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becomeherman conversation starter

Free Template download

Where shoud I send your template?