How to ask a girl out over text and get her to say ‘YES’

You met a girl. 

You’ve got her number.

And now you want to know how to ask a girl out over text?

You’ve come to the right place…

In this post, you’ll discover:

Let’s get right into it:

How to ask someone out over text – the wrong way 

Avoid doing these things if you don’t want to get rejected: 

1. Asking her out too soon before she’s interested

Most guys rely too much on small talk. 

The problem with this is that it creates the impression that you just want to get into her pants. 

Plus, if you chit-chat for a bit and suddenly ask her out, she’ll think that you have no standards… making you look somewhat desperate.

2. Asking her for a ‘Date’

Forget the word ‘date.’ 

It has just too many negative associations. 

She’ll imagine you ask for a boring dinner date that feels like a job interview. So you’ll make her unnecessarily nervous.

Recent studies have proven this effect, and psychologists even have a name for it: “Dating Anxiety.” 

Instead, use words such as ‘meeting up’ or ‘hanging out’. 

Phrases that imply that it will be stress-free and fun. 

As scientists have discovered, the right words significantly affect our perception.  

And if you see an article titled ‘How to ask a girl for dinner over text…’ 

Run!

3. Waiting too Long (being stuck in a dead-end conversation)

If you’re taking too much time, she’ll start thinking that you don’t like her:

“Why isn’t he asking me out?”

“Does he like me?”

“What should I do? I really want to meet him.”

That’s what a woman thinks, but won’t tell you directly.

So if you’re already texting ‘good morning’ and ‘sweet dreams’, it’s definitely time to ask her out.

If not, you’ll make her lose interest. 

But how long should you wait? 

And how do you ask her out then?

When is the right time to ask her out?

To answer this, you need to know: 

She needs a reason why you would take her out on a date. 

I learned this critical lesson from the book Influence by psychology professor Robert Cialdini. He has shown in multiple studies that people are way more likely to comply with a request if you give them a reason.   

Women want to know why you choose her based on personality traits, not superficial reasons like her looks. 

This way, she won’t feel like you’re treating her like a piece of meat. 

So if you want to maximize your chances, you’d better spend some time getting to know her. 

In other words, you need to establish some sort of connection first. 

And it doesn’t take as long as you might think. 

So how can you do this? 

In theory, it’s pretty simple:

How to ask a girl out over text – the efficient way

All you need to do is talk about 2 or 3 topics where you go a little deeper to uncover her motivations. 

The topics can be as simple as her job or hobby. 

Depending on how shy she is, this can be pretty smooth or tricky.

Some girls might be hesitant to share more about them immediately. Keep that in mind. But if this happens, all you need to do is share something more personal about yourself first. 

Using the scientifically proven power of reciprocation. 

This will make her feel more comfortable sharing more about herself in most cases.

Epic side effect: once you’re good at connecting with women, they’ll sometimes ask you out first because you’re so different from other guys. 

Now that you’ve connected with her, all there’s left to do is ask her out. 

Here’s an example from my client Yoann: 

See what Yoann did there?

After connecting, he told her 3 things that stood out to him about her personality.

And by doing that, he showed her exactly what he liked about her. So she could feel appreciated and understood as a person. 

Also, look at how she told him that she won’t be able to meet. Most guys would assume that’s bad, but it isn’t. Because she immediately followed up by telling him they could hang out once she was back. 

And that’s one of the signs a woman is sexually attracted to you.

Side tip: Avoid using periods in your texts. 

Instead, use other punctuation marks or emojis. Studies have found that people perceive texts with periods in them as dishonest. Now, you might ask yourself, what if she agrees to meet but cancels at the last minute? 

And how can you prevent this from happening? 

How to make sure she shows up on your date

After she says yes, continue talking as usual.

Most guys treat her “yes” as a trophy rather than a confirmation to meet up. So they stop texting and then expect her to show up for the date. But the problem with this approach is that she might think you’re not serious. 

To avoid this, simply keep on texting. 

The more invested she is in your conversation, the more likely she’ll show up to the date. 

In psychology, this is known as the sunk cost fallacy. 

Plus, right before the date, use what I call the Efficient Date Confirmer:

An hour before you guys meet, send her a short message. Or give her a quick call saying that you’ll be 10 minutes late. If she replies to it, odds are pretty high that she’ll show up. 

Now, let’s talk about what if you ask her out, but she hesitates or says no. 

How can you turn her no into a yes? 

What to do if she is unsure and says no?

If you got a negative response, don’t worry. 

It doesn’t mean it’s game over. Or that she’s playing hard to get. Most likely, it just means she’s not ready yet. 

This can have various reasons, like a bad experience with someone she met online. 

Or she doesn’t want you to think that she’s easy.

Research has shown that Slut Shaming makes dating harder for men and women.

So how can you turn her no or maybe into a yes? 

Make no big deal out of it and ask her again later. 

My preferred way is to suggest continuing the conversation on Facebook if we only chatted on Tinder before. And then ask her out again once we talked a bit on social media. Doing this shows you have social intelligence and understand her reason for saying no. 

Plus, you make it easier to say yes when you ask her out again. 

Because she already said yes to talking on social media instead of Tinder. A principle that psychologists call commitment and consistency. 

And last but not least, it makes her feel special. Plus, it demonstrates that you’re resilient. Because you simply don’t take no for an answer and are willing to fight for her.

Here’s an example of how I turned a rejection into a date… after she told me that she wasn’t looking for a new boyfriend on Tinder:

But once I added her on Facebook and we continued talking, she changed her mind. 

So far, I have shown you the most efficient way to ask a girl out over text. 

But as I mentioned before…

If you have a great profile and she enjoys your texts, some girls will drop hints to be asked out. Or even ask you out themselves.

What should you do in those cases?

Cute ways to ask a girl out (reading her signals)

Some women will drop hints that they want you to ask them out.

They play a passive role in dating. So most of them won’t ask you out directly because they think it’s something they shouldn’t do. Plus, they’re afraid to make you feel like less of a man.

This is common knowledge and has been confirmed by many studies.  

That being said, they won’t wait patiently to be asked either. 

She’ll send hints, hoping that you get it that she wants to meet. 

Here are two examples:

See what I did there?

First, I acknowledge her hint. And then, I suggested meeting up. 

So whenever you spot a clue, you don’t need to delay asking her out any longer. 

With practice, you’ll be able to spot hints more easily.

Now, some girls might even ask you out. So you don’t have to always be the one to do it.

How to get a girl to ask you out

Studies have shown that women are highly competitive among each other.

That’s why some women will try to snatch you off the online dating market before another woman has the chance to do so. 

Just like in this example of mine:

When this happens, you just need to agree and suggest some plans.

How to skip straight to the date

It is possible to jump straight to the date without a long exchange.

Yes…

If you have a profile, that makes her very eager to meet you. And you’re using humor to ask her out in a way that women would find cute. 

Only if those conditions are met will this work. 

Here’s an example from a client of mine:

So far, we have discussed how to ask a girl out over text whom you’ve just met.

But how to ask a woman out whom you have known for a long time.

How to ask out a girl you already know 

You might have a crush on a friend. 

Or you want to ask out a co-worker. 

I would recommend you ask her out in person. But if you’re too nervous, then here’s how you can do it:

1. Asking out a female friend over text

Send her the following…

“I’m really nervous right now. We’ve been friends for a long time, and I don’t want to risk losing our friendship. So I was too afraid to admit it in the past. The truth is, I like you and would love to ask you out.”

If you ask that way, you don’t need to worry about potentially risking your friendship.

Admitting your fear/nervousness is super important, even though it might sound counterintuitive.

It shows her you have social/emotional Intelligence. Not only that, you basically put yourself out there… ready to get your heart smashed into pieces just for her (pardon, I love exaggerating).

And this is brave. 

In fact: vulnerability + proactive behavior = insanely attractive

What if she says no?

Well, then you don’t lose anything. 

You still will remain friends. 

So you can only win.

2. Asking out a co-worker over text

You can use the same approach with a co-worker. 

But what is important to consider is that your other colleagues could gossip. 

You don’t need to be a dating coach to see the downside of being the #1 talking point in the office.

So you need to demonstrate that whatever might happen, it stays between you two. 

Plus, you need to ask in a manner that will not get you in trouble with the HR department. 

Here’s what you can text:

“I don’t want to make a big fuss in front of everybody. And I’m a bit nervous right now, but I like you. Would you be opposed to meeting up outside the office?”

According to a recent study, the number of office romances is rising.

Even the pandemic didn’t change that. 

75% of the people asked in the survey admitted to having a crush on someone at work. So give it a go and find out if she likes you too. Especially if she displays the signs that a woman is sexually attracted to you.

Side note: If you’re still in University. You can tweak the text a bit to make it work.

Avoid these first date mistakes

It’s time for your first date. 

But what should you do to not mess it up? 

Don’t worry. I got you covered. Check out my article showing you the top 12 first date mistakes.

Your Efficient Dating Advisor,

Herman The German