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Efficient Dating Systems
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Are you really just a friend? Top 21 signs a woman is sexually attracted to you

Have you ever met a girl and wondered if she’s into you or not? Wonder no more; here are 21 easy-to-spot signs that she’s totally into you…

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Are you really just a friend? Top 21 signs a woman is sexually attracted to you

So there’s this girl you recently met, or really like… but you’re unsure what she thinks about you. And because you don’t want to be rude or be misinterpreted, you want to make sure whether she’s interested in you or not.

To help you figure out without a doubt that she’s into you. I want to share the top 21 signs a woman is sexually attracted to you.

Table of Contents

Signs a woman is attracted to you sexually

1. She’s actively asking you questions


Notice how she reacts when you talk to her. Is she actively listening and asking questions? Look at how her body behaves. Is she leaning in when you tell her something? Or is she looking at her phone, barely listening to you?

In other words: is she “actively engaging” in the conversation. If a woman is into you, she’ll give you all of her focus most of the time. 

She might even go one step further and playfully turn your boring small talk into a sexual conversation. A client of mine was once out with a couple of co-workers and friends. A female friend told him out of the blue: “We would make beautiful babies together.” I honestly cannot think of a more evident sign that she’s into him than that.  

2. She’s playing with her hair


This one is almost cliche. Yet, it’s true. If a woman is playing with her hair, it usually means the girl is attracted to you. But this doesn’t mean she’s 100% sexually interested in you.

Some attractive women like gliding through their hair occasionally or simply doing it to keep their intended hairstyle to feel more sexually attractive. Just as you’d do when using hair wax to pimp your looks.

3. She’s smiling whenever she sees you

If she’s smiling, then she’s usually having a good time. The woman is inviting you to get to know her. But be aware… it’s not uncommon for people in the US and other countries to smile a lot when talking to someone in general… just because it’s considered polite, even if it’s a fake smile. 

So be careful. While a genuine smile is a sign of sexual attractiona fake smile certainly isn’t. How can you spot a fake smile? Take a look at her eyes because you cannot fake smiling with your eyes. You can see the difference in this picture:

Source: Digital Photography School

4. She can’t stop laughing… especially if you tell a dumb joke


I’m not saying your jokes suck… but if they do and she laughs about them anyway…. you can be pretty sure the girl likes you. It means the girl is trying to impress you and wants you to like her badly. 

If a woman feels attracted to you, she almost cannot help but laugh. It’s like a reflex. So if you have a female coworker who constantly giggles at everything you say, then chances are pretty high that she’s genuinely interested in you. 

You can even put this sign under the category of signs a mature woman is attracted to you. Because no matter how old she is, if a woman is sexually attracted to you, she’ll laugh at your terrible jokes. 

5. She’s trying to get closer to you any chance she gets


If the woman is coming closer, she wants to be in your presence. I mean, why else would she try to be consistently around you? Think of yourself as a sexual attraction magnet. She cannot explain why but she’s magically pulled towards you. 

6. She’s touching you (a massive sign of sexual attraction)


This is an obvious sign a woman is sexually attracted to you. Women love to touch and be touched. Their skin is 10 times more sensitive than ours. Remember, she needs to trust you first before it’s okay for you to touch her physically. 

Now, if she takes the initiative and touches you first, the girl invites you to make a move. Especially if you’re on a date with her. So if you have thought about kissing her, now is a great time to go for it.

7. She’s crossing her legs


This means that she’s not planning to walk away from you. She’s interested in what you have to say and wants to continue the conversation. Keep doing whatever you’re doing. Because it seems to work and she enjoys spending time with you.  

It’s the sign I look for the most when approaching women in the streets. If, after introducing myself, she starts crossing her legs while standing… I know she’s sexually attracted to me at some level. All I have to do is not screw things up by saying something stupid. So I can easily get her number

8. She dresses up for you


One of my clients once told me the story of his first date. He was super excited and dressed up nicely to go into a bar with her. Unfortunately, she didn’t put much effort into her outfit or looks that day. Long story short: she wasn’t interested in him romantically. They just ended up being ‘friends.’ Ouch. 

On the other hand… sometime later, he was also meeting a girl he wanted to talk with over Skype. But for some reason, she never wanted to join a video call with him. At first, he thought she was not interested. But later, when they met, she admitted that she felt uncomfortable talking to him without putting on some makeup first.

Beautiful women don’t want you ever to see them without make-up or not being appropriately dressed. This only slightly changes once you’re in a relationship and she feels comfortable enough to show you her natural self.  

9. She’s sexually playing with objects


For example, she might stroke the tip of a wine glass. I think you don’t need to be a rocket scientist to figure out which part of your body the wine glass represents. It’s obvious she’s attracted to you sexually. She subconsciously imagines what it would feel like to touch you down there. *Ay caramba*

I’ve noticed that particularly women already in a relationship often tend to do this. In other words, this is one of the most prominent signs a married woman is sexually attracted to you. My theory, backed up by scientific studies, is that these women tend to be quite sexually frustrated. 

That being said, it’s up to you if you want to act on this sign or not. My advice is that even though she’s attracted to you sexually, you should wait until they get a divorce. Trust me, from experience, I can tell you things can get messy dating a woman who’s already in a relationship. 

10. She’s keeping prolonged eye contact to create sexual tension


This is a clear sign that has been proven by plenty of studies. Whenever you see something that interests you, your pupils start to dilate. I don’t expect you to measure how much her pupils are dilated. But if a girl holds prolonged eye contact with you, you’ll undoubtedly feel it. 

If she keeps staring at you, it’s a powerful sign that she is attracted to you sexually. But remember, many women are shy so they might look at you only for a few seconds. They simply cannot handle the sexual tension created through eye contact for long. 

11. She’s calling you names


A lot of women express their sexual interest by name-calling. Almost every time a woman called me an idiot, a**hole, or crazy… I just know that she likes me. All my long-term relationships pretty much started with the girl playfully insulting me. On the other hand, whenever a woman said that I was “nice” or a “great guy,” she wasn’t sexually attracted to me. 

I learned this lesson the hard way when my cousin and I competed for the same girl over 10 years ago. She called me a nice guy and him a total a**hole. I thought: “Yes, she likes me better than him.” But I saw them walking hand in hand down the streets a few days later. *Ouch* 

12. She refreshes her lipstick


If you’re on a date with her, check if she’s wearing lipstick. This is an excellent sign. She already thought about kissing you before showing up for the date. Now, if a girl is refreshing her lipstick in the middle of your date, you can take it as a vital sign that she’s ready to be kissed by you.

Sometimes she’ll reapply her lipstick in front of you, and other times she might go to the bathroom first. I made it a habit to always look at her lips when she returned from the restroom.  

13. She’s imitating you


This is a very subtle sign because it’s pretty hard to notice when talking to her, especially if you’re unaware of it. But scientists have a name for this kind of behavior. It’s called mirroring.

Women tend to do this subconsciously to heighten their sex appeal. They want to make you feel comfortable in their presence by imitating your behavior. So you recognize yourself in her and think, omg, we have so much in common. 

14. She’s looking at your lips


Every dating coach will tell you a woman looking at your lips is thinking about kissing you. But it can be pretty hard to catch because she might look at your lips for a very brief moment and then look away. This is especially true for very shy girls because they don’t want you to figure out that they are attracted to you sexually. 

15. She’s biting her lips


A woman biting her lips is just her way of showing you did or said something that triggered her desire for sex. This happens most of the time after you whispered in her ear, said something sexually, or looked her in the eyes for a very long time. All of those things build sexual tension that she wants to release. 

16. Her friends tell you that she’s into you


Women tend to consult their friends about who they should or shouldn’t date way more often than men. For women, it’s unimaginable to not discuss a guy she could end up being in a relationship with her friends. They almost keep no secrets from each other. So if you’re lucky, they might share her little secret with you. 

Now that we covered 16 signs a woman is sexually attracted to you, I didn’t want to stop there. I thought… hey, most likely you’re using dating apps as well, and it can be tough to figure out if a woman likes you on Tinder or not. 

So to help you out in your virtual dating life… I decided to include in this article a few signs a woman is sexually attracted to you via text. And to put a cherry on top, all signs will include examples from my clients and me. Enjoy…

17. She’s texting you first


If you set up your profile correctly, you can get women to text you first. They’re doing this because they are sexually attracted to your profile. And they don’t want other women to have the chance to meet you before they do. Science tells us that women are very competitive when finding a great guy. 

The good thing is every man can create a dating profile that makes women text him first. No matter the looks or his finances. All it takes is a bit of effort and a genuine understanding of what women want in a man

18. She’s sending you very long text messages


A long text message shows that she is attracted to you sexually and shows it by putting more effort into the conversation than you. If you learn how to text women properly, this will happen quite often. Some women will start opening up to you even after your first text message

One quick tip I can give you is that if you want her to open up to you, you have to open up first. So, for example, instead of just telling her what your hobby is. Tell her what you love about it and why. 

19. She’s asking you what she should wear on your date


If a woman does that before the date, she wants to make sure that she looks her best for you. Trust me, you’re not the only one being nervous about your first date. In her mind, she is wondering if her hair looks good and if you’ll like the way she smells, etc. She wants to look perfect for you to make sure you feel sexual attraction towards her as much as possible. 

20. She’s sending you sexy pics or talks naughty to you

Disclaimer: This text exchange happened between two consensual adults. To respect her privacy, I’ve hidden her name and face.

Women are not stupid and know that we men are turned on by looking at them. If a woman is attracted to you sexually, she’ll try to show off her feminine attributes as much as possible – making her intentions clear to trigger your desire for her. Sometimes even before you meet her in person for the first time.

But this is the exception and not the rule. Most women will only feel comfortable sending you explicit images like this once you’re in a relationship with her. 

21. She’s asking you out


Of all the signs via text, this one is the most obvious. I mean, what more do you want? She’s asking you out for a coffee date. It can be as direct as in the example before, but women will be a bit more subtle than that most of the time.

For example, she might tell you that there’s a new coffee shop in town that she would like to try out. Hoping you ask her if she would like to go on the weekend with you. 


There are plenty of more subtle signs of attraction out there that I didn’t cover. But my focus was to only give you the clear signs a woman is attracted to you both on and offline. So you don’t have to become a dating coach before kissing or asking a woman out. Now, you might ask yourself, what should you do with all these signs?

First, I recommend you to read my article about the signs she is not sexually attracted to you. And second, I want you to forget about signs of attraction altogetherI know. What the hell? Did I just say that? Yes, I did.

Look, I understand why you want to rely on signs. You want to have absolute certainty that you’re doing the right thing and to spare yourself from a humiliating rejection. But even looking for obvious signs will distract you from potential opportunities. What do I mean by that?

Let me tell you the brief story of my first date with my ex-girlfriend Izabela: Despite being quite beautiful, she’s very shy. She’s a microbiologist, and the guys in her school gave her the nickname Nilf (Nerd, I’d like to f*ck). On our first date, I invited her to drink coffee. We started to talk, and things were going great. But… all the time, she was sitting like this:

Signs-a-Woman-is-Sexually-Attracted-to-You-Woman-Sitting-With-Negativ-Body Language
My ex girlfriends body language on our first date. 

If I had just looked at her signs, I would have assumed she was simply not sexually attracted to me. All the articles and books you can find on the internet would tell me it’s a clear indication that she has no interest in me. 

I wouldn’t have tried to kiss her if I had listened to this. We would have gone our separate ways, and she would have been out of my life for good.

Me and my ex-girlfriend Izabela trying to look “cool” for the camera. I would have missed out on dating her for two years if I had listened only to signs on our first date. 

Well, thank god I ignored this b.s advice and kissed her anyway. She was just nervous as hell on our date. And honestly, so was I. 

Think of all the times you had a crush on a girl. Did you look into her eyes all the time? Or was it more like you tried to escape direct eye contact because you felt nervous around her … noticing the sweat of your palms more than anything else? 

Now let’s change perspective. Do you think all the women will hold direct eye contact like a boss when they feel attracted to you?

Hint: women are human too. They feel nervous too. They have insecurities too

Most likely, she’ll avoid direct eye contact just as you would. Especially when you’re trying to create sexual tension using eye contact, most women will blush and look away immediately… or even stutter in your presence. 

So keep these things in mind, and don’t blindly believe in body language cues. Don’t try to look out for if she’s flaring her nostrils or not (not kidding, this is supposed to be a scientifically proven subtle sign of attraction). 

So what I’m trying to say is that instead of focusing on signs of attraction… you’ll get for more ahead in your dating life if you just follow this simple principle:

A woman can decide for herself if she likes you or not. She’s an adult. So don’t decide for her if she’s interested in you or not. 

That’s what I did with my ex-girlfriend. I kissed her and allowed her to decide if she wanted to kiss me back or not. If I had listened to her body language and didn’t try to kiss her… then I would have decided on her behalf that she had no interest. And therefore, technically rejecting myself.

Your Efficient Dating Advisor,

Herman the German


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A message she can't resist
Download the FREE Anti-Ghosting Template and discover how to get her to text you back.
IMG 0083
A message she can't resist
Download the FREE Anti-Ghosting Template and discover how to get her to text you back.

Guten Tag, I’m Herman the German, original inventor of the Efficient Dating Systems Made in Germany.

I help smart, single men finally get and keep the girl they really want. Using my background as a Frankfurt-trained financial engineer, I went on a quest to find dating patterns that really work – my friends asked me to use my cold analytical skills to help them notice recurring patterns in their dating life. This has been my single obsession since 2012.

Throughout my decade-long research, I was interviewed by German media curious to know what I’d identified and I was invited to share the stage as a guest expert although I prefer the term life-long learner as I keep discovering new principles and techniques in my private practice.