What is sexual tension?
I was shocked that I couldn’t find a proper definition for sexual tension despite it being such an essential part of the dating game.
There’s no mention of it in the Oxford or Webster dictionary. The only thing I could find is a Wikipedia article. Therefore I decided to give you a definition myself:
“Sexual tension allows you to create – within seconds – the same attraction you feel when you look at her.”
Sadly, most men have no idea how sexual tension really works and that they can create it at will. Once you get it, it’s like being the only one who can see while everyone else is blind. So how does it work?
Sexual Tension works a bit like telling a good joke.
Have you ever watched a professional comedian doing stand-up?
He starts by explaining the setup for the joke. And then he keeps you in suspense. Stalling or saying absolutely nothing makes you crave the conclusion, aka the punchline. You just can’t help it. You want to know the end of the joke.
And when the audience just can’t take it anymore, he drops the punchline, and everyone bursts into laughter.
Have you ever noticed this?
Take note the next time you watch stand-up comedy. As a matter of fact, if you think about it. Every joke you ever laughed at wouldn’t be funny without the right delivery.
That’s the difference between an amateur and a professional comedian.
Sexual tension isn’t much different.
It is not about the words you say to a woman. It’s about how you say them. You can create, intensify, and release sexual tension by using your body language, voice tonality, and eye contact. If you do it properly, she has no choice but to feel attracted to you.
So use what you’re about to learn with caution.
How to build sexual tension with women
You must be able to handle sexual tension yourself before you can create it.
What do I mean?
Imagine you have to look an attractive woman in the eyes. Can you hold her gaze, or do you look away because you feel uncomfortable?
This uncomfortable feeling is sexual tension. If you cannot look her in the eyes for more than a few seconds, then sexual tension won’t happen.
You can improve your tolerance for sexual tension with a simple exercise:
Try to look women in the eyes a bit longer than you usually would whenever there’s an opportunity. My favorite is to play the Staring Game in trams and buses.
When you sit across from her, and when she looks, you look away. And when you look, she looks away. Keep looking into her eyes a bit longer than what feels comfortable.
Practice, and you’ll be ready to maintain eye contact with her in no time. Now you’re ready to discover how to create sexual tension while talking to her.
All you have to do is apply what I call Attraction Amplifiers:
How to create sexual tension with any woman using 14 Attraction Amplifiers
Here are 14 rapid ways that will show you how to create sexual tension with any woman:
1. Embrace your desire
“What’s wrong with you?”
I was repeating over and over to my d*ck in front of my client. A few years ago, a client and I decided to go out and experience Zurich’s nightlife.
We entered the first bar, and bam, two beautiful women were sitting all alone in the corner.
We didn’t hesitate…
Turned out they were not only pretty but also smart and funny. Logically everything a man could dream of. But there was a problem:
I wasn’t attracted to either of them.
In my mind, I knew there were hot.
But when I looked them in the eyes, I felt as much sexual tension as I would looking at an empty wall. My subconscious was telling me something:
“Yes, they’re hot, but they’re not the type of girls you truly want.”
Funny enough, my client felt the same.
Could we have forced ourselves to pretend to be into them?
But then it would become more work than fun. And they would have definitely felt that we weren’t really interested in them. The moral of the story is only go for girls you’re truly attracted to.
Then you don’t need to force yourself to create sexual tension.
2. Maintain eye contact
Most guys are afraid to maintain eye contact with her.
But if you want to create sexual tension, there is simply no way around it. To intensify the sexual tension via eye contact, focus on just looking into her right eye. And at the same time, slightly tilt your head forward.
This will make your gaze even more sexually charged.
3. Speak softly and slowly
“When I get this feeling, I need sexual healing.”
Listen to Marvin Gay or Barry White songs; what do they usually have in common?
They sing the lyrics very softly and slowly.
They want to get their listeners into the mood to do the horizontal mambo.
So speak slower and more softly to trigger her desire for you.
4. Pause for a few seconds in between sentences when talking to her
When there is a pause, maintain eye contact and don’t say a word.
It’s like playing a game of chicken (dating edition):
Whoever feels less comfortable with silence will try to break it. More often than not, she won’t be able to handle the silence and keep talking. The best part is she’ll be amazed at what a great listener you are.
And subconsciously think that you’re a very confident man because only a few men are comfortable with silence and keeping intense eye contact.
5. Touch her lightly
Have you ever read a romance novel?
If you haven’t, you should. Among other things, they will teach you that women love the build-up towards sex sometimes more than the actual sex. So start touching her first on the shoulder or hands and see how she reacts.
If she is okay with it, then you can slowly progress toward touching her more fun parts.
6. Don’t smile, giggle, or laugh while holding eye contact
It sounds like the perfect recipe for a German date.
Don’t get me wrong, smiling, laughing, and giggling while talking to a girl is OK. But I want you to avoid giggling nervously or laughing at everything she says.
Those behaviors kill sexual tension faster than wearing a white T-shirt with mustard stains.
7. Don’t interrupt her while she’s talking
“Let her speak.”
Focus on hearing her out instead of waiting for your turn to talk. I’ve seen this countless times while listening to guys approaching women in the streets. Most guys act impatiently and interrupt women mid-sentence.
If you have the same problem, fight the urge to jump in and take over the conversation immediately.
It kills the sexual tension building up between you two.
8. Don’t make any sudden movements or gestures
Some men scratch their heads or shake uncontrollably when they talk to the women they like.
But these gestures ruin the sexual tension that is building up. That’s why especially before you go for the kiss, take a few seconds, look her in the eyes, and do absolutely nothing. No movements at all.
This will create a Hollywood Kiss moment.
9. Use the element of surprise
Never wait for the end of the date to go for the kiss.
The typical goodbye kiss works very well in romantic comedies, but it’s a major turn-off in the real world. It’s predictable and boring. Almost all guys she has been on a date with tried to kiss her at the end. Surprise her by going in for a kiss in the middle of it instead.
This way, she’ll have the rest of the date to imagine what it would be like if you guys do more than just kiss.
10. Allow her to miss you
“Wait three days before you get back to her.”
It’s the mother of all dating cliches. Still, there’s some truth to it. I won’t encourage you to play mind games; in the end, someone will get hurt.
But don’t reply immediately when she texts you if you’re busy with other things.
Not only does it apply in dating but also when you’re in a relationship. Actually, It’s one of the best pieces of advice I can give you on how to create sexual tension in a long-term relationship.
I’ve seen it plenty of times among my friends.
We are out having a good time, but as soon as their girlfriends text them, they drop everything to reply. As if what pizza they should order tomorrow was a life-or-death emergency.
Don’t ever do that.
Instead, give women some space to miss you.
It’s a bit like eating your favorite food every single day. Eventually, you’ll grow tired of it.
But if you don’t eat it for a week, you can’t wait to taste your favorite dish again.
11. Increase the sexual tension via text
Sexual tension is not something you can only have in person.
You can also use texting to create it. Though I prefer to build on the tension we already had in person and create sexual suspense over text instead.
What is sexual suspense?
It’s a fancy term for increasing sexual tension with a girl you already know.
So how do I increase sexual tension through text?
I’ll show you the exact three steps later in the article.
12. Make her feel relaxed
To help her fully enjoy the sexual tension between you two, she must first let her guard down.
For women, there is simply way more risk involved in having sex. She can get pregnant, experience slut shaming, etc. While the worst thing that can happen to us is a sexually transmitted disease and a bruised ego.
That’s why the more she trusts you, the more sexual tension she will allow herself to feel with you.
13. Don’t apologize
Want to know what gets women drier down there than the Sahara desert?
You apologizing for making a move. Sometimes you’ll go for the first kiss, and she’ll turn her head. More often than not, it has nothing to do with you. She is just not ready yet or has a rule about not kissing a guy on the first date.
But you didn’t know that because you’re not a mind reader.
You went for the kiss and allowed her to decide whether to reciprocate it or not. Now, some women will ask you: “Why did you do that?”
And what comes out of your mouth next will determine whether you’ll get a second date.
You apologize for the kiss.
Congrats, you sealed your fate. She won’t see you for a second date. Because in her subconscious mind, she’ll think: “If he cannot handle me saying no once, how am I supposed to rely on him as a partner to handle hard times.”
Simply say, because I like you. And you move on to the next topic. With this answer, she won’t lose respect for you.
And when she shows up for the second date, even if she didn’t kiss you on the first, she clearly knows your intention.
14. Be spontaneous
Most women love surprises.
And you can easily surprise her on your date. Simply do one spontaneous thing that she wouldn’t expect. My favorite thing is to go with her to the playground and play like we are 5-year-old kids again.
It is fun, free, and an excellent opportunity to establish physical contact to build up more of that sweet sexual tension.
Examples of sexual tension in action
To demonstrate how the Attraction Amplifiers work, check out these examples from Hollywood.
The first one is from the Aviator, and the second one is from the 40-Year-Old-Virgin. I want you to pay close attention to the voice tonality, body language, and eye contact.
This short video is a masterclass on sexual tension by itself:
While it may feel not natural to you initially, trust me, being able to create sexual tension is worth it.
Let me share a quick story to show you why:
I was invited to a speaking event, and there was a group dinner afterward. I was sitting next to an attractive woman, so naturally, I started to chat her up.
All was going well, but all of a sudden…
This other guy butted in, trying to steal her attention away from me.
He was trying to play the good old ‘who’s got a bigger d*ck’ game, but I wasn’t interested in playing, so I let him speak while enjoying my meal.
You may be thinking, what you gave up and let him take her?
Well, I was hungry, and I knew he’d quickly run out of things to say. And I was right. As soon as he stopped talking, I continued my conversation with her, but this time with a twist. I started to build sexual tension using the Attraction Amplifiers.
Luckily enough, Gareth, one of the speakers, captured this moment with his camera:
How did she react?
As you can see in the picture, she started to touch her neck. She was also switching her gaze between my eyes and lips. It’s one of the classic signs a woman is sexually attracted to you.
And the other guy?
Forgotten and out of the picture, literally.
So how did the evening end?
Well, a gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell. The moral of the story is none of it would have happened if I hadn’t used sexual tension. Without it, the other guy and I would have kept fighting for her attention all evening.
But thanks to sexual tension, he was no match.
The Attraction Killers: Don’t do the following if you want to build sexual tension
While you can create or increase sexual tension if you apply the Attraction Amplifiers, you can also destroy it with some behaviors.
I call them Attraction Killers, and they’re the opposite of Attraction Amplifiers. You must be aware of them because they determine if she sees you as her lover or as just a friend.
Have you ever got a message like this after a great first date?
And did you ever wonder what you did wrong?
Well, most likely, you did one of the following:
- Avoiding eye contact
- Speaking loudly and fast while avoiding eye contact
- Talking without a pause
- Not establishing physical contact
- Smiling, chuckling, or laughing while looking into her eyes
- Interrupting her while she’s talking
- Making sudden movements or gestures while looking into her eyes
The list goes on and on and on…
Most guys are guilty of using one or more Attraction Killers while talking to attractive women.
They don’t do it on purpose. They are just nervous while talking to them. For example, I used to feel very uncomfortable holding prolonged eye contact with women. But once I got used to looking them in the eyes, they started to react differently.
I made a brief video demonstrating how women react differently to Attraction Killers than to Attraction Amplifiers.
In the first part of the video, you’ll see a relationship expert teaching you how to talk to women in the streets.
I’m sure he meant well, but he constantly used Attraction Killers. And in the second part of the video, you’ll see how one of my clients, Timo, talks to girls using some Attraction Amplifiers. The video is in German, but I put in subtitles for you.
I picked German examples on purpose so you can focus not on what they’re saying but on how they’re saying it.
I could have ended the article here, but I decided to also share with you the three steps on how to create sexual tension through text.
How to create sexual tension with a woman over text
It’s harder to create sexual tension in writing than in real life.
You can’t use eye contact, voice tonality, or body language in a text message.
But it can still be done, as you can see in the image below:
Side note: You don’t have to get a girl that excited just to get her to say yes to a date.
That being said, if you want to create sexual tension over text, do the following three steps:
Step 1: Make your intentions clear
Whether you meet her in person or online, you must tell her that you find her attractive asap.
It’s one of the key things I tell all my clients to do when they want to know how to start a conversation on Tinder. This way, she knows you’re not texting her because you want to be just friends.
If she thinks you’re just friends, she’ll be creeped out by you trying to create sexual tension over text.
Step 2: Turn up the thermostat
Take something innocent she says, and turn it into something sexual.
Or frame it in such a way that she simply cannot wait to meet you. In other words, turn up the heat of your conversation and take it in a bit more sexual direction. What you want to convey is that you and her will eventually have sex. And she wants it even more than you.
For example, when she says she’s up for anything.
You can reply: That’s good to know. 😉
Use a smiley here to emphasize the sexual intention you’re trying to communicate.
If you just use these two steps, you’ll be able to create all the sexual tension you’ll ever need to get her on a date.
This is why the last step is optional.
Step 3: Tell a dirty story (optional)
Last but not least, you can sext her.
It’s been scientifically proven that women are aroused by a good sex story. They love the tension and build-up toward sex. Men, on the other hand, treat sex differently. We’re good to go as long as she’s hot and naked.
That’s why if you want to master sexual tension via text, you must become good at sexting.
The easiest way to start is to use something she said as an invitation to sext her. And then describe to her (in detail) what you want to do to her sexually.
Here’s an example of mine that I might be even too young to read:
Bonus tip: Sexting is also a great way to create tension in a relationship. For example, you can build up her sexual desire for you while she’s at work.
How to feel less nervous while building sexual tension
You may think all this information is great, but what if I’m too nervous about creating sexual tension yet…
Until you become a more confident man, just tell her that she makes you nervous. Admitting it will make you feel calmer and more relaxed.
And therefore, it’ll be easier for you to use everything you learned today in this article.
Your Efficient Dating Advisor,
Herman The German