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How to seduce a woman: the ultimate guide to make her crazy about you

How to seduce a woman: the ultimate guide to make her crazy about you

If a woman isn’t attracted to you, you’ll never be more than just friends. There’s no way around it, you have to seduce her, and this article will show you how.

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How to seduce a woman: the ultimate guide to make her crazy about you

I have good and bad news for you. 

The bad: if you’re looking for a quick way that gets women to crawl over broken glass to rip your pants off, I must disappoint you. It doesn’t exist.  

The good: if you’re looking for a genuine way to seduce the woman of your choice, you came to the right spot. 

Once you follow the steps in this post, you’ll learn how to seduce a woman and make it last. Yep, not just a random one-night stand both parties regret the day after. That’s what beer is for. 

Instead, you’ll have a repeatable way of seducing women (beer optional). 

Sounds good?

Then, read on to discover how to seduce a woman and make her crazy about you.

Table of Contents

How to seduce a woman: 15 steps to get her into bed

Here’s how you can seduce a girl to make her fall for you:

1. Admit you suck at seduction

How to seduce a woman – 1. Admit you suck at seduction
I’m making it easier for myself to seduce her.

Did you ever ask yourself why most movies start by showing you a weak or flawed main character with a crappy life? 

The reason for that is simple: it’s easier for people to emotionally connect with a flawed main character than with a flawless Superman having it all.

A flawed character is more relatable. People start rooting for the main character and want him to succeed while watching the movie.

Now, here’s the thing: when it comes to dating, most men avoid being relatable like the pest. They hate admitting their weaknesses and only focus on displaying their strengths to impress a woman.

But doing so restricts you from creating a deep emotional connection and trust with a woman. Trust she needs to feel comfortable with you. Trust to let herself be seduced by you. 

Next time you meet a woman, tell her:

“I suck at asking questions, but I want to get to know you. How about you ask me something you’d like to know, and we go from there?”

See what happens and thank me later.

Get 7 copy & paste messages to start flirty conversations on any dating app

becomeherman.com copy and paste template

Try them, see her answer, and use the messages any time you want, on any girl you like, forever

2. Create sexual tension

You have the perfect lines.

Every time you meet, you make her laugh. Everything seems great until you ask her out, and she says:

“Hey, I really enjoy the time with you, but let’s stay friends.”

Most guys still believe the way to a woman’s heart is to make her laugh and pretend to be her personal Ronald McDonald. But it couldn’t be further from the truth.

Making her laugh gives you bonus points. But you’ll only seduce her if you give her what she’s secretly craving: The nervous giggling when she looks into your eyes and the pounding heart whenever you’re around.

That’s sexual tension, my friend.

How to seduce a woman – 2. Create sexual tension
Here, you can see me creating sexual tension with a woman.

If you neglect sexual tension, all you do is make her your next best homie. In fact, sexual tension is the fastest way to build attraction with her. Not only that, but being able to build and hold sexual tension through deep eye contact also makes you look like an incredibly confident man

There are several ways to create sexual tension, and you can combine them for even greater effect. But a great start is to hold eye contact with her slightly longer than you currently feel comfortable with. 

3. Get past the small talk

How to seduce a woman – 3. Get past the small talk

You cannot seduce a woman by talking to her like her colleagues at work. 

That’s usually boring, factual stuff she doesn’t care about. You want to talk about topics she cares about. These can be work-related, but it must be a topic that stirs her emotions. A topic she genuinely cares about. 

And for that, you need to go past the small talk to build an emotional connection. 

Emotional connection is all about understanding why she does what she does. It means finding out her real motives behind her decisions while sharing yours with her as well. 

Once she understands your motivations, it makes it easy for her to find logical reasons why she likes you. 

For example, you tell her you became a Web Developer because it helps you connect to your inner child. It feels like playing with Lego bricks, solving problems, and entering a flow state to forget the world around you. 

This tells her you are passionate about what you do and know exactly what you want. That’s attractive. 

Then she tells you she studies medicine, and you find out she lost an important family member during childhood. That motivated her to become a doctor so she could help her loved ones. And suddenly, you discover that you like this caring, female side of her. 

Talking about reasons you like her…

4. Give her a reason why you want to see her again 

How to seduce a woman – 4. Give her a reason why you want to see her again

I’m sorry.

If you thought going to the gym and flexing your biceps is all it takes to get a woman to crave you, I must disappoint you. The only attention you’ll get is from other muscular dudes in the gym.

As men, we easily get turned on by the visual appearance of a hot woman. But women are different. While a great physique helps you to get initial attraction, it’s not the dominant factor in turning her on. 

The key difference: a woman doesn’t want to feel like a piece of meat when you’re interested in her. Instead, you need to make clear you also genuinely find her attractive for her personality. If done right, you’ll be instantly more interesting and exciting to her than most other guys. 

The next time you try to seduce a girl or ask for her number, tell her at least one specific reason why you want to get to know her – one that has nothing to do with her looks. If you took the time to establish an emotional connection (step 3), this shouldn’t be a problem.

5. Lead the conversation

How to seduce a woman – 5. Lead the conversation

What does it mean to lead the conversation?

Or a better question: what should be your goal when talking to a woman you want to seduce?

Your main goal, above all, is this: to get to know her and give her the opportunity to get to know you too. That’s it. No manipulative psycho tactics are needed. 

If you have read everything above so far, you know that “getting to know her” means creating trust, sexual tension, and an emotional connection.  

So, if the conversation drifts towards less relevant topics, you must take the lead.

For example, if she talks about her cousin and how great he is at his job (= irrelevant topic because it’s not about you or her), you can say:

“I’m glad for your cousin, but what about you? What do you like about your job?” Steer the conversation back toward building trust and connection.

6. Don’t shoot yourself in the foot

How to seduce a woman – 6. Don’t shoot yourself in the foot

I often observe an interesting phenomenon when listening to clients talking to women.

Many of them are afraid to ruin a good conversation by asking for her number. So they choose to play it safe and do nothing instead. Just like with leading the conversation, you need to lead her to the next level in your relationship. 

And that involves taking risks. Remember, in dating, safety is the new risky. 

Nothing is exciting about a ‘good’ conversation. It’s the moment you decide to take risks where things get interesting. 

You may feel nervous, but so does she. Once you’re clear about your intentions and take the next steps to move the conversation forward, it’s not a neutral conversation anymore.

You let her know what you want, but it’s not quite sure how this will turn out yet. That’s flirting. But to get there, you need to take the initiative. So, always take the next step. 

If you’re on a date, go for the kiss. If she’s with you at home, try making out. If her hands slip down your pants, you better know what she’s asking for.

7. Don’t ask for her number

How to seduce a woman – 7. Don’t ask for her number

What do I mean by that?

Most guys tend to be hesitant about the way they ask for a number. 

This hesitance can make her subconsciously believe you don’t think it’s a good idea to go out with her. So why should she think otherwise?

Women want to be desired. If you’re thinking about getting her number, you should always do it with confidence. In practice, you should not ask her if you could get her number but tell her to give it to you. 

To make it smooth, take out your smartphone and tell her to give you her number. Just don’t overthink. 

What if she’s the one who hesitates? No problem. She might not trust you yet and needs more time to get to know you. If that happens, don’t force anything. Respect her feelings and show her you understand her. 

Smile, and say: “Sure, I’ll try again in 5 minutes.”, and keep talking with her. 

Alternatively, you can ask for her social media contact first.

I still don’t get why a number is more private than a social media contact, where you put your entire life on display for strangers. But apparently, that’s how people feel.

8. Plan ahead

How to seduce a woman – 8. Plan ahead

Dating is like playing chess.

To win, you plan your next moves. 

When you go on a date, you should pick where you go and what you will do. For your first date, pick something very casual. Start with a coffee and do some sort of activity. Because even if you have much in common, you’ll eventually run out of things to say and get confronted by your best friend called ‘awkward silence’. 

To show the awkward silence who’s boss,  you can play billiards, shoot some darts, or go for a walk. That’s up to you.

I like to take girls to martial arts lessons.

Just keep in mind that depending on what you want, you might have to tell her beforehand so she picks the right outfit for your date. 

For example, high heels and go-karts don’t work well together.

9. Give her a hug

How to seduce a woman – 9. Give her a hug

“Does he like me or not?”

It’s what she’ll think if you’re never going to touch her. I’m always amazed at how a date can become awkward if you keep your hands to yourself. Don’t be that guy. Instead, do this:

As soon as you meet her on your first date, hug her.

It shows you like her. And it makes it easier to touch her later on. When you seduce a woman, you need to build things up gradually. 

And for your own sake, don’t just kiss her out of the blue…

She needs to feel comfortable with your touch first.

10. Pay the bill

How to seduce a woman – 10. Pay the bill

Who pays on the first date? 

A question you shouldn’t waste your time with. Depending on whoever you ask, you’ll get a different answer. And unless you’re a mind reader, you won’t know what your date wants until the check arrives. But there’s a simple solution to make every woman happy:

When the check comes, you can pay and tell her she can pay the next one. 

11. Kiss her at the right time 

How to seduce a woman – 11. Kiss her at the right time

Hollywood ruined first dates.

Almost every movie shows how a date is supposed to end with a goodnight kiss. And this puts a lot of pressure on you. At the end of the date… she expects a kiss, which will make you nervous, so you don’t do it. 

You end up beating yourself up, and she ends up disappointed. 

Sounds familiar? 

My advice is don’t wait until it’s too late.

It’s better to kiss her in the middle of the date without the good night kiss pressure.

It also makes the rest of the date more exciting, I promise.

12. Don’t argue with her

How to seduce a woman – 12. Don’t argue with her

What does a woman need before she can enjoy flirting with you (and much more)?

It’s trust. A woman needs to trust you and feel comfortable with you before she can let herself go and be seduced by you. We already talked about this.

But trust can be destroyed in seconds. 

And one ‘great’ way to instantly destroy trust is by arguing with her.

This could be by making her feel bad if she doesn’t want to give you her number, kiss you, or other similar behaviors. 

There is nothing to gain by arguing with her other than a harsh rejection. Remember, if she’s not ready to take the next step with you, it probably just means ‘not yet’! 

Don’t mess it up by being too pushy. 

Not giving up immediately is seductive, but forcing your wants isn’t. 

13. Don’t apologize for making a move

How to seduce a woman – 13. Don’t apologize for making a move

Let’s say you’re on a date. 

At some point, you decide to go for the kiss, but she rejects you and asks you why you want to kiss her. 

Most guys would try to come up with an excuse or apologize for their behavior, which can turn her off instantly. 

You should never apologize for making a move. Instead, be honest about why you tried to kiss her. Say something like: “Because I like you.”, or “Because I felt I couldn’t resist any longer.”.  

The key here is not to make her feel uncomfortable. 

If she doesn’t want you to kiss her, you should respect that. 

But for some reason, there is this widespread misbelief of always having to act “alpha” or be overly persistent. Not crossing her boundaries won’t make you look weak or like less of a man. But crossing them will get you straight into jail. Choose wisely. 

Talking about persistence…

14. Give her an excuse 

How to seduce a woman – 14. Give her an excuse

“Wanna see my stamp collection?”

It’s how I used to invite women to come up to my apartment. They understood it was a code for sex. You see, you need to use a code to get her into bed. Here’s an example from The Big Bang Theory to show you what I mean: 

She needs a reason not to feel guilty about wanting to sleep with you. So she can tell herself all she wanted was coffee, but sex just sort of happened. 

15. Be persistent (the right way)

How to seduce a woman – 15. Be persistent (the right way)

Here’s how you do it the right way. 

Often, when a woman rejects you, all it means is ”not yet.” It doesn’t mean she is not interested in you (unless she directly tells you so). 


Let’s say you approach her, and she says she has no time. Most guys would take this as a rejection and leave, but in reality, she might not be sure what to say. 

So your job is not to give up but persist. In this case, you could say: “Hey, before you run out of my life forever, just one more thing…” and then keep talking.

More often than not, she’ll stay and start talking to you. 

That’s what persistence means. Don’t be like Borat, who uses his traditional marriage sack to take Pamela Andersson with him. If anything at all, persistence means having the social intelligence to read between the lines.

How to seduce a girl through text 6 tips with real-life examples 

So far, we covered how to seduce a woman in real life. But what about texting? Here’s what you should know.

Tip #1: Embrace the ghost

Ever been ghosted?

Yeah, me neither.

Just kidding.

But we all know it too well: you talk to a girl, and everything seems good. And the next second, she disappears with no explanation whatsoever. So you wonder:

“Lord, what have I done to deserve this? Why me? What went wrong this time?!?”

Years ago, this was my reality. 

How did I react? 

I would call the woman a c*nt and never contact her again. But I learned from my mistakes:

How to seduce a girl through text – 1. Embrace the ghost
The big fat secret to get her to reply to you.

See that? Most of the time, women just forget to reply because life gets in their way. I don’t want to know how many opportunities I blew by acting angry and bitter instead of trying to understand her situation.

Tip #2: Make a great first impression

Women are bombarded by text messages.

And I don’t mean just the countless guys trying to capture her attention every day. There are also texts from family, friends, and work. To have a shot at seducing her over text, your first message stands out. 

If she never reads your first message, even Casanova himself can’t help you seduce her.

So you need a message that is unique and triggers her curiosity. A message so interesting that she won’t delay to answer you:

How to seduce a girl through text – 2. Make a great first impression
My French client used my unique first message to capture her attention.

You can get your hands on this conversation starter for free and try it out today:

Click here to make almost any woman interested in you

Tip #3: Make it easy for her to connect with you 

How to seduce a girl through text – 3. Make it easy for her to connect with you 
A client is getting to know a woman at the height of the pandemic.

Meeting someone new always reminds me of morning coffee. 

When you drink it cold, it’s awful. But if you heat it first, it’s amazing.

Conversations are the same. Whenever you start a conversation with someone, they act cold and distant, and only after warming up to you they become friendly.

Usually, it takes a few messages to get to this point, but you can speed up the process.

See the conversation above? After this girl opened with a ‘Hey’, my client addressed the elephant in the room by letting her know how he felt. 

And guess what?  

Most women will be glad you brought it up because they struggle with the same thing. Google ‘how to text a guy’, and you’ll be surprised by the millions of results.

Tip #4: Get her to open up 

How to seduce a girl through text – 4. Get her to open up
Just between us: do you want replies like these? 😉 Keep reading…

A woman wants to feel desired.

But she also wants to feel respected and appreciated. And she wants this even if she’s looking for something casual and nothing serious.

Most “experts” will tell you that you need to be extremely sexual in your text messages, so she becomes so horny she wants to meet you on a date.

But there’s one problem: If she doesn’t feel safe meeting you, it doesn’t matter how horny she is.

First, you need to make her feel comfortable and earn her trust.

Tip #5. Read between the lines

How to seduce a girl through text – 5. Read between the lines
This woman gave me a massive hint to ask her out.

Social intelligence is sexy.

In dating, women take on a more passive role. They’ll wait for you to make the first move. But if your text conversation goes well, she’ll indirectly hint at wanting to meet you.

It can be as subtle as her saying that she has nothing to do this weekend. This means she’s free to meet you. Sadly, most guys ignore such a hint and keep texting about god and the weather. 

But not you. You’ll get her hint and act on it. And as a reward, you’ll get plus points and a date. Plus points, because she’ll feel you truly get her…. that you can read what’s on her mind without her explicitly saying it. 

Tip #6: Turn a rejection around

How to seduce a girl through text – 6. Turn a rejection around
A woman rejected me, but I didn’t give up and kept texting her.

Don’t listen to what women say. 

Listen to how they act. 

Sometimes, when you ask a woman out the first time, she’ll say no. Usually, it means she’s not ready yet.

Thanks to bullsh*t like Slut Shaming, women are afraid to say yes too soon because you might lose respect for them. So what do you do when she says no the first time you ask her out?

Don’t argue with her. 

Trying to convince her with logical arguments won’t work. And don’t insult her. That’s a fast way to lose all the trust you build with her.

Instead, you want to be non-reactive. This means you acknowledge her rejection and keep texting her anyway. And to earn a gold medal, you can make a joke to show how you’re not bothered by her pseudo-rejection. 

Keep on texting and then ask her out again later…

Eventually, she’ll say yes.

How to seduce a girl through talking

Here are some quick tips on how to seduce a girl physically through talking:  

  • Don’t interrupt her when she speaks. 
  • Ask her questions to get to know her better. 
  • If you’re not sure what to say next, admit it. 
  • To make her open up, share about yourself first. 
  • Compliment her personality and not just her looks.

How to seduce a girl in bed: 7 expert tips to turn her on 

1. Build Anticipation

Stories turn women on. 

Go to a bookshop, pick up a romance novel, and you’ll see what I mean. It’s full of stories describing sex in excruciating detail.


Because women love the build-up towards sex as much as sex itself. We men are much simpler. All we need is to see a naked woman, and we are ready to go. 

How can you use this new insight to your advantage?

By using text messages to get your woman’s motor running before she even steps foot in your bedroom:

Text messages showing how to seduce a woman over the phone
Disclaimer: These messages were sent with her consent. To respect her privacy, I’ve hidden her name and face.

It works the same way as a movie trailer. You see it months before the movie is out, and then you get so excited that you stay in line to get tickets for the premiere.

Just a word of caution: You can use sexting even if you’ve never met her in person… but if you are new to it, it’s better to use it on a woman you’ve already slept with. 

To get started, describe what you would like to do to her when she comes over. Go into as many details as possible.

If you want to learn more about female sexual fantasies, then I recommend you to read this book:

My Secret Garden: Women’s Sexual Fantasies

2. Clean up your place

No one cleans faster than a man wanting to get laid.

This tip is pretty much self-explanatory. Before inviting a woman to your place, make sure everything is clean. Pay special attention to your bedroom and your bathroom. Don’t just give it a quick sweep. Put on new sheets and remove any bad smell. The cleaner your place, the more comfortable she’ll feel.

Also, don’t forget to put anything away that could look like it belongs to another woman. Women are masters in leaving stuff behind in your apartment after sex.

So, if you find some earrings, put them away to avoid drama. 

3. Make her feel relaxed

Her brain is her most powerful erogenous zone.

If she’s stuck in her head, she won’t be able to enjoy your sweet lovin’. Stressing about their life is a giant factor causing women not to orgasm. 

So, how do we fix that?

Put on some music, use well-smelling candles, and give her a massage. Take it slow and make her forget about her busy day before you get to business. 

Also, if it’s your first time, you might want to do it in her apartment, where she’ll feel more comfortable.

4. Don’t be pushy if it’s your first time

Don’t panic.

When things get serious in the bedroom or on your couch, she might hesitate to go all the way. It doesn’t mean she’s not into you. It just means she’s not ready yet. This is where most guys f*ck it up and destroy all the goodwill they build up to this moment.

They start to argue about why she is not putting out. Or they act insulted and make her feel guilty. Both are horrible strategies.

Instead, step off the gas and don’t apply pressure. 

So, next time this happens, stop kissing her and say the following:

“No problem. I wouldn’t enjoy it anyway if you’re not feeling 100% comfortable.”

More often than not, if you wait for 10 to 20 minutes, she’ll be the one to initiate the kissing afterward.

5. Undress yourself

“What’s harder, undressing her or yourself?”

Years ago, I asked myself the same question after a woman gave me a hard time about her bra. So, I came up with a simple solution that has served me well ever since. Whenever I’m with a woman for the first time, and things get hot and heavy, I undress myself instead of her.

While kissing her, I unzip my pants and present my manhood. Sometimes, I glide a woman’s hand to it, and sometimes she does it herself. Afterwards, I find it’s much easier to get her to undress. 

The golden rule is to get naked first… if you want her to be naked.

Short disclaimer: Only do it when she consents and you are in a private setting. If you do it on a coffee date, don’t be surprised if you spend the night with a jailmate and not with her.

6. Compliment her 

Women are insecure about their bodies.

It doesn’t matter how hot she is; she still feels insecure. And it’s not surprising. Society puts a lot of pressure on women to look great, teaching them from a young age that their self-worth is tied to their looks.

Famous woman shows how to seduce a woman
Even famous models like Emily Ratajkowski feel body insecurity. She talks about it in her book My Body.

So when you’re with her in bed, do the following:

Tell her how hot she is and how much she turns you on.

This will put her mind at ease. Otherwise, before and during sex, she’ll wonder if you like her. Which will prevent her from truly enjoying it with you.

And if she doesn’t enjoy it, she won’t return for more.

7. Be spontaneous

“It just happened.”

A woman loves to say this to her friends. She wants to brag about how romantic you are to make them jealous. Women talk about every little detail regarding sex, while we guys barely discuss it. 

The TV Show Friends did an excellent job of showing the difference between men and women: 

Women love heat-of-the-moment experiences: 

Whisper in her ear what you want to do to her instead of watching Netflix. 

Tie her up to your bed with your clothes or a USB cable.

The possibilities are endless.

Your Efficient Dating Advisor,

Herman The German

How to seduce a woman: Become Her Man Logo

Frequently Asked Questions

How do you tempt a girl to touch you?

If a girl is really into you, then all you need to do is talk to her. She’ll come up with an excuse to touch you. She’ll touch you on your shoulder if you say something funny. Or she’ll try to brush up against you while walking.

How do you seduce a girl over the phone?

When talking to a girl over the phone, speak softly and slowly. Don’t interrupt her, but listen. And take long breaks between your sentences. And if you want to seduce her over text, you can use light banter to flirt with her.

How to seduce a girl without words?

You need to use your eyes, voice, and body language to seduce a girl without words. Also, wearing well-fitting clothes helps, especially if you’re in good shape. And last but not least, you can seduce her with your smell. In other words, use a perfume that girls like (but maybe not Dior Sauvage, because everyone else smells like it). 

Guten Tag, I’m Herman the German, original inventor of the Efficient Dating Systems Made in Germany.

I help smart, single men finally get and keep the girl they really want.

Using my background as a Frankfurt-trained financial engineer, I went on a quest to find dating patterns that truly work – my friends asked me to use my cold analytical skills to help them notice recurring patterns in their dating life.

This has been my single obsession since 2012.

Throughout my decade-long research, I was interviewed by German media, curious to know what I’d identified. And I was invited on many occasions to talk on stage as a guest expert – although I prefer the term life-long learner as I keep discovering new principles and techniques in my private practice.

As an introduction to my systems, I’m offering you to try my proven conversation starter template to make almost any woman interested in you, at no cost.

Claim your welcome gift now at: www.becomeherman.com/discover/

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