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Top 12 first date mistakes men make and how to fix them

Top 12 first date mistakes men make and how to fix them

If you want a second date and more, then you should avoid these deadly mistakes most men make…

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Top 12 first date mistakes men make + how to fix them

The first date is the most important one. 

If you mess it up, your chances of seeing her again are zero. So you should be careful and try to avoid as many first-date mistakes as possible.

On the other hand, if your first date went well, your chances for date number two will increase drastically. Or, in other words: you might be her next hero (did I just say that?).

To not ruin the first date, you should look out for a couple of things. Sure, you should dress appropriately, not smell like a pig and show some manners… 

But these are generally easy fixes to avoid an embarrassing first date. 

So in this post, I’ll talk about less obvious mistakes you should avoid before and during your first date. Mistakes I discovered while helping men for over 10 years to get and keep the woman they want. 

And if you already went on a terrible date but would like to get a second chance… then I’ve got you covered as well:

Table of Contents

12 First date mistakes stopping you from getting a second date

Here are 12 first date mistakes you should avoid: 

1. Calling the date a “date”

First date mistakes – 1. Calling the date a “Date”

Going on a date creates a lot of stress and anxiety in many women. 


I know this sounds weird, so hear me out. A study has shown men and women tend to alter their behavior on first dates. By calling it a “date,” your date will turn into a job interview and not a pleasant experience

That’s why I advise you not to call it a date but instead ask her to meet or hang out.

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2. Not saying in advance what the date is going to be like

First date mistakes – 2. Not saying in advance what the date is going to be like

If you think you should play mysterious or try to surprise her, you better don’t. 

Especially if she’s meeting you for the first time, you’ll likely both feel nervous. So don’t overcomplicate the situation even more for her. For a woman, it’s essential to feel comfortable and safe. 

According to a survey done by Match.com, 79% of all women said comfort is the most crucial thing they look for on a date.  

So if you plan to do sports or anything that requires specific clothing, just tell her your plans. 

Or risk her being pissed about coming to the date unprepared.

3. Avoid a w(h)ine and dine date

First date mistakes – 3. Avoid a w(h)ine-and-dine date

Do not go to a restaurant or the cinema with her. 

The problem with these dates is you won’t get a chance to talk with her and get to know her. You can’t talk to her if you sit there and focus on eating or watching a movie. So don’t book a dinner table. Instead, go on a simple coffee date. Especially if you met her on a dating app.

Additionally, she won’t worry about what you expect of her for paying for such an expensive meal.

Something which has been confirmed in various studies.

4. Avoid small talk

First date mistakes – 4. Avoid small talk

Did you ever ask yourself what the first date is actually for? 

I’ll tell you:

It’s to see if both of you are a good fit together. And I don’t mean a good fit for just a relationship. It can be for casually dating as well.

So how do you do that?

Well, it’s by connecting with her on a deeper emotional level. Connecting with someone means going beyond small talk. It means asking questions to find out what drives her.

Texting her after some first date mistakes
You can even start to connect with her before the first date.

What does she enjoy doing and why?

What does she try to avoid and why?

You’ll see her real character by getting answers to these open-ended questions. Try digging deeper the next time you talk to a girl. Getting truly to know each other is how most solid relationships begin. 

Oh, and of course, topics to avoid on the first date are religion, politics, and Corona… you name it. 

Skip these controversial topics as best as you can. These are usually emotionally charged topics and can cause the whole conversation to go in an unpleasant direction. But suppose the topics come up somehow, and your opinions don’t match. 

In that case, it’s best to agree to disagree and switch topics.

5. Focusing too much on body language signs

First date mistakes – 5. Focusing too much on body language signs

Would you believe it? 

Some of the most viewed YouTube videos on dating are about body language signs. And I get it. Being able to read her body language sounds like a magical cheat code to find out what she thinks about you. 

Or in other words: it feels less risky to move things forward with a woman when you look for signs a woman is sexually attracted to you first. But looking for signs is more likely to sabotage your success with women, because they can be hard to read correctly

For example, a woman could turn away from you or avoid eye contact during a date. Does that mean she’s not into you? Not at all. Because she might just be nervous and/or shy.

While signs can help you feel more at ease, they should not be your main focus if you want to seduce a woman

6. Not planning your date ahead

First date mistakes – 6. Not planning your date ahead

Did you ever feel lost for words during a date? 

What have you done the last time it happened? 

Did you enjoy the awkward silence? 

Most likely not. 

But this might happen to you if you spend your whole date sitting at a coffee place. At some point, you might run out of things to say. And the easiest way to avoid that is to go somewhere else with her. Go play some billiard or go for a walk outside. 

Doing something different and more active is the easiest way to revive or keep the conversation going.

7. Talking about your ex

First date mistakes – 7. Talking about your ex

You should avoid talking about your ex at all costs.

Yes, it’s even worse than religion, politics and the weather. It’s on the top of the first date red flags she’s looking for. Your date will assume you’re still not over your ex. And if that happens, you can say bye-bye to a second date

Only talk about your ex if she’s asking you about her. 

And if she does, keep this one thing in mind: Do not badmouth your ex… ever!

Instead, say something nice like, “She is cool, but we want different things.” 


If you talk bad about your ex, she will assume you have a toxic attitude towards women.

Or worse, she’ll ask herself what you might say about her when you guys stop dating.

8. Not taking the lead

First date mistakes – 8. Not taking the lead

Avoid asking her things like:

“Where should we sit?” 

“When should we leave?” 

“What do you want to do?”

Asking those date questions is the fastest way to get her annoyed. 

Don’t get me wrong. You can still ask her what she likes or prefers… like “What do you think about [topic]?”

And if she likes it, you can follow up with: “Cool, let’s do [topic].”

But you invited her, so take the lead. Tell her where you’ll meet up and what exactly you’ll do. An exception is when you’re new in town, then you can ask her to show you around. So you lead her anyway by telling her to show you around. 

Most men are confused because they’re not sure what women want from men.

Women want to be treated equally in the workforce.

But studies have shown most women prefer more traditional gender roles in relationships.

9. Not establishing physical contact

First date mistakes – 9. Not establishing physical contact

If you’re attracted to her, you need to show her. 

The problem with being passive during a date is that she might feel uncomfortable because she expects you to make a move after a while. If not, she’ll wonder if you’re interested in her or not. Or if she made a good impression.

So instead of showing how respectful you’re, you’ll send the wrong message.

10. Don’t apologize for making a move

First date mistakes – 10. Don’t apologize for making a move

If she’s blocking your attempts to touch her, take a step back and chill.

Many guys apologize or start arguing with her about why she’s not accepting their advances, which is a big mistake. Instead, you should be non-reactive. For example, if she pushes your hand away after you try to touch her, just say, “No problem.”

Or nod and continue talking to her until she feels more comfortable. And then try again. Studies have shown women prefer chilled guys. 

For them, being chilled is a quality of a real man.

11. Avoid a goodbye kiss

First date mistakes – 11. Avoid a goodbye kiss

Most guys don’t know when to go for the kiss, so they wait for the ‘perfect moment.’ 

But there is no perfect moment. So what happens is you’ll end up in front of her doorstep, thinking, “Sh*t, I have to make a move…” and the whole situation will start to feel uncomfortable for both of you. And if she’s uncomfortable, chances are she’ll block your kiss.

That’s why go for the kiss in the middle of the date

When it’s least expected.

12. Not going for the first kiss at all

First date mistakes – 12. Not going for the first kiss at all

You should not wait till the end with a kiss. 

But you should try to go for a kiss during the date. 


Even if she blocks your kiss, it usually means not yet. It’s not a rejection. 

More importantly, if she shows up on a 2nd date, she knows about your intentions. And you can be sure she’s interested in you. So you can only win. 

Also, if you don’t go for a kiss during the first date, you might fall into the friend zone. 

So don’t shoot yourself in the foot and go for it.

What should you do if you messed up your first date? 

Honesty is the key to still having a chance.

Grab your phone and text her as fast as possible when she most likely will see your message. For example, at 9 pm on a weekday before she goes to bed. Simply tell her that you have been nervous and wanted to make an excellent first impression. But in the end, your nerves got the best of you.

So you would like to make up for it and if she’s free next weekend.

Most women will appreciate your honesty. 

Now, if she already told you she had a wonderful time but isn’t looking for a relationship or doesn’t want to keep your hopes up. Then don’t worry, I have prepared an article just for you. 

The article will show you 17 clear signs a girl doesn’t like you and what you should do to change her mind.

For many years I thought sign #7 meant it was game over between us. But then I discovered how to overcome it and still get the girl.

Your Efficient Dating Advisor,

Herman The German

First date mistakes – Become Her Man logo

Guten Tag, I’m Herman the German, original inventor of the Efficient Dating Systems Made in Germany.

I help smart, single men finally get and keep the girl they really want.

Using my background as a Frankfurt-trained financial engineer, I went on a quest to find dating patterns that truly work – my friends asked me to use my cold analytical skills to help them notice recurring patterns in their dating life.

This has been my single obsession since 2012.

Throughout my decade-long research, I was interviewed by German media, curious to know what I’d identified. And I was invited on many occasions to talk on stage as a guest expert – although I prefer the term life-long learner as I keep discovering new principles and techniques in my private practice.

As an introduction to my systems, I’m offering you to try my proven conversation starter template to make almost any woman interested in you, at no cost.

Claim your welcome gift now at: www.becomeherman.com/discover/

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