Welcome to the land of confusion.
When you search online for ‘signs she doesn’t like you,’ you’ll get tons of advice that contradict each other.
For example, some articles tell you she’s not interested if she waits too long to text you back. But if you believe this blindly… boy, do you leave some chances on the table.
This is why I compiled a list of 17 clear signs inspired by my 10+ years of experience helping men to get and keep the girl they want.
But that’s not all…
If you give me the next 7 minutes of your undivided attention, I’ll also show you:
- What to do if a girl is not interested in you: I’ll demonstrate precisely for each sign how to turn things around, so you still have a chance to get her.
- How to tell if a girl doesn’t like you over text: 3 Not-so-subtle signs that she isn’t into you.
- The Anti-Ghosting Message: You’ll see real-life examples of how to get her to reply and invest more in your conversation than before.
- How to attract a girl who doesn’t like you over text: The exact messages I sent to turn a rejection into a date.
- The top 3 things you must do to avoid the friend zone forever.
But first, let me quickly answer the following question…
Why should you care about the signs she doesn’t like you?
Actually, for one simple reason:
To not be intimidated if she should display any signs that she isn’t into you. So you can stay cool and act in the right way to still get her instead of panicking and giving up prematurely.
17 Clear signs she doesn’t like you and how to still win her over
Here are the 17 signs she doesn’t like you:
1. She’s trying to look her best
You might be asking yourself: “Really?”
Well, yes and no.
Of course, it’s a good sign if a woman tries to impress you with her looks, but if she doesn’t, it’s even better.
Women, on average, are more stressed than men.
That’s why I see a woman meeting you without putting on tons of makeup as a good sign. Because she still wants to spend time with you despite having a busy schedule.
So be understanding. Just plan a chilled and relaxing date.
I once had a date with a woman looking quite awful. But she made time to see me, despite having to watch her little sister and study for her upcoming exams.
Instead of taking it for granted, I showed my appreciation for it:
“Thank you for showing up, but I can see you’re half dead. Go home and get some rest. I’ll text you later.”
She was so happy that she baked a cake for me as a thank you.
2. Acting annoyed when you approach her
“What a b*tch!”
This thought crossed my mind more often than I would like to admit while figuring out the dating patterns that really work.
Sometimes women can act or appear annoyed in your presence.
If this happens, don’t take it personally. More often than not, she just had a bad experience (or several) with other guys in the past. So it’s most likely a self-defence mechanism to not get hurt again.
Or she’s just in a bad phase of her life right now. And the girl is just projecting her problems onto you.
Now, especially a shy guy would give up in this situation. But you could miss out big.
So what is the right thing to do here?
As studies have shown, your best strategy here is to persist longer than you would generally feel comfortable.
And if you combine it with social intelligence, you have yourself a deadly flirting combination.
Let me provide you with an example:
You approach a woman at the bar, and she responds negatively: “What do you want?”
Now you’re at a crossroads:
Should you stay, or should you go?
Most guys would just say nothing and leave the situation. Instead, you could respond like this:
“Woah… 5 other guys probably already approached you using creepy pick-up lines. Can your heart take one more?”
What reaction should you expect?
Usually, her frown will turn upside down.
3. She tells you that you’re just a friend
The friend zone.
Who doesn’t know it?
Once you’re in it, it’s usually game over.
I say usually because it can change. It doesn’t have to be forever. But since most guys never change their circumstances, they remain just friends with her.
If she doesn’t know how you feel yet, check out my article showing you how to get out of the friend zone.
But if you already tried to do it yourself and failed, don’t worry. There’s still hope.
The key to overcoming the friend zone is feeling and projecting true abundance with women.
And I don’t mean you need to have 5 girlfriends and pursue women all the time.
What I mean by abundance is having the skill set to get a girl you want when you feel like it. So you’re not relying on friends, family, or the universe to introduce you to someone.
It’s an unspoken secret that a girl doesn’t like to admit. But she doesn’t want to be your only choice. She wants you to be able to get other women. And this has been proven in recent studies.
I once had a student whose girlfriend hired me to teach him how to get girls. Crazy, right?
The other guys attending my seminar couldn’t believe it. But she told me:
“I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I don’t want him to marry me, and we embark on our lifelong journey together because he has no other options”.
So don’t be discouraged if she should say stuff like: “You’re like a brother to me,” or: “We’re family.”
You can still change her mind, and by reading this, you’re taking the first step in the right direction.
4. She says: “I don’t want to keep your hopes up.”
This happens most often after a date.
You might think it went well, but then she suddenly tells you: “I don’t want to keep your hopes up.”
The good news is there’s still hope. Your date simply lacked sexual tension.
Tell her that you get it.
There was simply no chemistry, so no hard feelings. But you like her personality and would still like to hang out.
If she agrees to it…
The next time you see her create sexual tension using eye contact and body language.
If you’re not sure how to do it, then you can read my article on how to create sexual tension.
5. She cancels a date twice without suggesting an alternative meeting
This is usually a clear signal that a girl doesn’t like you (anymore).
She’s just trying to be polite and not hurt your feelings.
But some girls are simply just dealing with tons of problems in their lives right now. And because they don’t want to be a burden, they avoid dating you. Even though they like you.
It sounds ridiculous, but the internet is full of stories and studies about women who don’t want to burden their potential partners.
Text her something along the lines of:
“Hey Lisa, you seem like a very cool person, but I assume you’re going through a lot. When you have time and feel better, just send me a message, and we can hang out.”
It shows you get her, and you put zero pressure on her. Which will make her feel less of a burden to you.
Also, even if she was just not interested in you, this message could make her change her mind. It demonstrates you’re not needy at all.
“Why isn’t he acting needy like the other guys? Probably he has other girls go after him. So maybe I’m missing out.”
6. She gives you her number but doesn’t reply
One of the classic signs she doesn’t want to talk to you.
This usually happens if you approach her and ask for her number at a party, bar, or anywhere. She just wanted to be polite and not anger you with a rejection when you were asking for her number.
You simply didn’t create a lasting impression. You need to send a message that can do the job for you.
Wait 3 days and then send her an Anti-Ghosting Message.
A message with the specific purpose of getting her to reply by triggering an emotional response. It should consist of two parts:
- Address the issue that she hasn’t responded to you.
- Blame an imaginary third party.
And to make the likelihood of a reply even stronger, send the message at the exact same time when most people use their phones. An example would be at 9 pm on workdays before going to bed.
Here’s how a girl responded to an Anti-Ghosting Message written by my client:
The best part is an excellent Anti-Ghosting Message can work even if she didn’t reply to you in weeks or months.
7. She tells you she isn’t looking for a relationship – Despite being single
Suppose she just came out of a previous relationship.
In that case, she might still consider going out with you as cheating on her ex-boyfriend. It’s very widespread among women. And she might even feel this way months after her breakup. So you might need to give her time to feel comfortable with the idea of going on a date with you.
If you know this isn’t the case and she’s faking it, this usually means she doesn’t feel any sexual tension. And she is trying to let you off gently.
You need to first learn how to create sexual tension and then ask her out again.
No matter how much she likes you as a human being, you can forget about dating her if she isn’t sexually attracted to you.
8. She tells you that she’s in a committed relationship
You’ll hear “I have a boyfriend” regularly if you talk to girls often.
It’s rare, but women in happy relationships exist. If that’s the case, even if you’re Casanova, there’s nothing you can do about it.
The exception is to befriend them, so she can introduce you to her friends. And when she and her boyfriend split up, you’ll be on top of her list for a rebound.
Most of the time, women actually don’t have a boyfriend. They simply say it out of reflex because they’re nervous. Or they want to test you, but not in an evil way. According to science, they do it subconsciously.
What’s happening in her subconscious is: “He cannot even handle my objection. So how can I rely on him when times are tough. He won’t be able to protect me and our kids.”
You simply acknowledge that she’s seeing someone, but you continue talking to her anyway.
The main thing is not to argue with her or be reactive. In other words, don’t talk about the boyfriend.
Your reaction can be as simple as, “That’s cool… anyhow.”
Here’s a short documentary. In it, you can see how my client Timo handled the I’ve got a boyfriend objection:
On a side note: If a girl should have a boyfriend, it doesn’t mean she’s happy with him. Or maybe she’s calling a guy she has been on a single date with her boyfriend. In those cases, the same solution will work as well.
Now, I’m not recommending you to go after another guy’s woman, but I wanted to prepare you if you choose to do so.
9. The girl is bored and doesn’t pay attention
Eventually, you’ll run out of things to say on a date.
Paying attention for more than an hour is hard, even if you’re a master communicator. It’s pretty rare to be able to talk for hours and hours on your first date, especially with a shy girl.
Plan your date with activities besides talking.
Start by getting coffee and then do something fun. Go to the bowling alley, play pool, or take her to the playground (it’s free).
Do something you would enjoy. If you have a good time, she’ll enjoy herself as well.
For example, I love to invite my dates to join me for my martial arts classes.
10. She’s pulling away from touches or doesn’t want to be kissed
What does it mean when a girl doesn’t want you to touch her?
There are usually four reasons why a girl acts this way.
And spoiler alert, none of them has anything to do with you:
- The girl might simply be nervous.
- She’s afraid you’ll judge her as too easy and lose respect. Sadly Slut Shaming is a thing and is confirmed by various studies.
- Some girls just don’t like physical contact in public. But it would be okay if you kissed them in private.
- She’s dealing with a subconscious trauma. According to the CDC, almost 20% of women in the US experienced rape or attempted rape.
If a woman rejects your kiss, don’t give up.
Respect a woman’s boundaries but see it as a sign which simply means not yet. So don’t get offended. Stay calm and try again later.
Think about it:
If she didn’t want to be kissed on the first date but showed up on the second one. Does it mean she likes you?
It sure does. The girl already knows that you’ll try again. She’s okay with it and hopes for it.
11. She doesn’t maintain eye contact…
Or she might try to playfully avoid eye contact.
It simply means that a girl is shy, and looking into your eyes makes her feel uncomfortable.
Would you be able to hold prolonged eye contact with a girl you like?
Don’t force her to hold eye contact with you.
It’s okay to look away from time to time to ease the sexual tension.
Spend time with her, and she’ll become more comfortable around you.
12. She doesn’t care about the topics you talk about
It usually just means you’re talking only about facts or small talk.
Instead, what you should talk about is the scientifically proven topic she’s most interested in…
Focus your conversation on finding out more about her.
Figure out why she likes to do her job and not only what she does. If she is a lawyer, it’s more interesting to know what made her decide to become one than just to know that she’s a lawyer.
This advice applies to texting and the real world:
The best part is that it provides you with valuable information if you want to date her or not.
13. She’s not asking you personal questions
Not all women are naturally born flirt queens.
They doubt themselves, feel overwhelmed, or take some time to think about a great response. If you don’t believe me, believe our own eyes.
Just type in “how to flirt with a guy” and “how to text with a guy” and see what you’ll find.
You didn’t expect that, did you?
With millions of views, I think it’s safe to say that quite a few women have a hard time texting. And you’ll find similar results when you look for flirting tips for women.
So what does it mean if she isn’t asking you personal questions?
It usually means that she’s afraid to f*uck things up. Plus, if a girl is shy, she might appear cold or arrogant to some guys, which isn’t true.
Open up first, and then she’ll open up too. You be surprised how the conversation will change:
She’ll tell you things she hasn’t told virtually anyone before, start asking you questions, and reply to you faster.
14. She has a closed-off body language
It simply can mean she’s freezing.
But often, shy girls communicate with a closed-off body language that they’re simply not sure what to do. They like you but are just quite nervous about how to behave.
If you want her to feel more comfortable with you in person, get her to open up before via text:
Fun fact: Many women are obsessing about how to read body language signs as well. So they can get a better read on you.
15. She doesn’t seem excited when you ask her out
It usually just means you haven’t given her a good enough reason why she should go out with you.
Most men simply talk some small talk and then ask her to meet for a coffee. But a woman sees right through this act, making her feel like a piece of meat.
From her perspective, you don’t care about her, and you would go out with any pretty girl. In other words, she doesn’t feel special at all.
Tell her why you want to ask her out.
Show her what is about her personality that you find attractive.
This makes a woman see that you’re not only interested in her body. So she’s excited to meet you. Plus, you’ll reduce the risk of her not showing up on your date significantly. You can learn how to do this in my article: How to ask a girl out over text.
16. She’s checking her phone any moment she gets
You’re dating a phone addict.
According to some new research, women tend to be more addicted to smartphones than men.
Before the date begins, tell her that you and she will put your smartphones in the middle of the table to not get distracted.
17. She asks for your number or Instagram and tells you she’ll write you
What might sound like a win in your book can be described as a gentle rejection.
Often, guys will think women are really into them when they offer their number or Social Media contacts. In 99% of all cases, she just said it to escape from the interaction and not offend you. And really… you can’t blame her.
Women are just afraid that a guy would get aggressive or assault them if they rejected him. You’re taller and stronger than them, and they cannot know how you would react to a rejection.
If you still have her number, then simply text her first.
Don’t wait for her to be proactive. Despite what Hollywood, TV, and magazines might tell you, it’s scientifically proven that most women prefer a more traditional approach when it comes to romance.
Meaning as a man, you need to take charge.
3 Not-so-subtle signs that a girl doesn’t like you over text and what you should do about it
1. You ask her out, and she says “no”
Not every girl will agree to go on a date with you the first time you ask.
But it doesn’t mean necessarily that you did something wrong. It just simply means that she’s not ready to meet yet. Or she doesn’t want you to think she’s easy.
Make no big deal out of it and ask her again later.
First, suggest continuing your conversation on WhatsApp or Facebook. And then ask her out again once you talk a bit back and forth on social media.
Here’s an example of how I turned a rejection into a date after she told me she wasn’t looking for a new boyfriend on Tinder:
But once I added her on Facebook and continued talking with her, she changed her mind.
After first rejecting me on Tinder, she couldn’t wait to be asked out again when I added her on Facebook.
2. Her replies are short, and she takes a long time to text you back
Her short replies could be simply signs that she doesn’t know what to text.
And the reason why it takes her so long to reply is that she’s not sure how to respond.
I explain why in detail in my article that shows you the secret reason men fail with women.
Make it easy for her:
You can simply admit that texting is hard. You even can write it in your profile bio to start your first conversation on the right foot. This will make it as simple as possible for her to text you.
I speak from experience when I say that she’ll be grateful for it.
3. She ghosts you
More often than not, getting ghosted has nothing to do with you.
Usually, it’s a classic sign something came up that she has to deal with. And since you’re still a stranger online, you can’t expect her to reply to you as if you were her boyfriend. Her family, friends, and job will always come before you. And that’s okay.
I actually expect a woman to ghost me, so it never comes as a surprise because I’m prepared for it.
Don’t give up but send her an Anti-Ghosting Message instead.
Here’s an example of mine:
Repetition is the key to mastery.
So I’ll repeat what I already mentioned to you previously in this article.
A good Anti-Ghosting Message consists of two ingredients:
1: Addressing the issue of why she didn’t text you.
2: And blaming an imaginary third party.
The top 3 things to avoid the friend zone forever
When you meet a woman you’re interested in…
I want you to do those three things to help you stay clear of the friend zone forever:
1: When you meet a woman in a social situation, once you’re alone with her, say the following:
“I didn’t want to make a big fuss about it in front of the others. But I like you and would love to get to know you better.”
2: When you approach or text a new girl, simply tell her that you like her. So there can be no doubt about your intentions.
3: Kiss her on your first date: Then she can’t possibly say that she thought you just wanted to be friends.
Women don’t put guys in the friend zone.
Men put themselves there. Because they’re hiding their true intentions out of fear of being rejected.
But the longer you wait, the harder it will become to get out of it.
The top 21 signs of a girl interested in you
Same as there are signs a girl doesn’t like you, there are also signs a girl likes you.
I wrote extensively about the top 21 signs a woman is sexually attracted to you.
I hate to admit it, but nr.11 took me many years to figure out. If I had been able to spot it sooner, it would have saved me many frustrating and lonely nights.
Your Efficient Dating Advisor,
Herman The German