How to get out of the friend zone with a woman: You have known her for a while… you have feelings for her… you wish she would be your girlfriend… but instead of walking down the street, holding hands and cuddling at night, you sit next to her asking yourself how to be more than just friends.
Even worse, she’s complaining about the other guys she’s dating. They’re total a**holes, and why can’t she just find a nice guy like you. And you’re thinking to yourself: “Hello, I’m here!?!?”
Sound familiar? Welcome to the Friend Zone!
Today I want to give you the key to escape it for good. In this article, I’ll show you how you can get her to become your girlfriend without risking your friendship and losing her from your life forever.
But be careful and read this article till the end because if you confess your feelings in the wrong way, this will happen:
- She won’t think of you as boyfriend material and reject you…
- Virtually every one of your mutual friends or colleagues will know how she rejected you and talk about it behind your back (If she’s a colleague, you may even lose your job)…
- She may even stop talking to you forever because she will feel uncomfortable around you…
Let’s get started:
What is the friend zone?
Let’s start by properly defining what the friend zone is. I searched all over the internet, but I couldn’t find a definition that would entirely describe the friend zone despite being such a popular and widely researched topic. The best definition I found was by Doctor Darcy Sterlin:
“The Friendzone is when you have a romantic interest in a friend or college, and you’re not sure if she feels the same about you.”
It’s a good definition, but I think it’s missing the fact that there are different types of the friend zone.
Different types of the friend zone
1. The classic friend zone (you have known her for a long time and she’s single)
This is your textbook scenario. You have known her or worked with her for a long time, and you know that she’s single. Chances are that she reciprocates the same feelings as you. Studies have shown that spending more time together and being familiar with each other creates attraction.
But knowing her for such a long time also makes it really hard to tell her how you feel. Because a rejection ultimately could lead to having to cut her out of your life for good. Or even worse, if you work together and you tell her how you feel the wrong way, you might even lose your job because of various sexual harassment laws.
2. The guarded friend zone (she’s unavailable because she’s in a relationship)
It usually happens if you have been friends for a while but missed your chance. And another guy basically took it. Or she was already in a relationship when you met her. No matter how you find yourself in this situation, as long as she’s happy with him, there isn’t much you can do about it, except for two things.
The first thing is to wait it out. According to different polls, the average relationship last 2 years and 9 months. So sooner or later, they will break up. And most likely, she’ll be unhappy in the relationship way before that. If you spot that she’s unhappy, you can give it a try and confess your feelings to her in the way how I will later show you.
And the second thing is to not put your dating life on hold. You should still meet other women. Studies have shown that seeing how you date other women will make her want you more.
3. The sneaky friend zone (you’re stuck in the friend zone by surprise)
You went on a date, and you thought it went great, but then she suddenly friend-zoned you by saying: “I don’t want to keep your hopes up but let’s stay friends.” Or she is telling you that she isn’t looking for a relationship right now but would love to be friends with you. Has this ever happened to you? And have you ever wondered why?
It means your date simply lacked in sexual tension. So tell her that you get it. There was simply no chemistry, so no hard feelings. But you like her personality and would still like to hang out. If she agrees to it… the next time you see her create sexual tension using eye contact and body language. With this new fund chemistry, you can ask her again on a proper date.
What makes this type of friend zone different from the others is that she already knows you have a romantic interest in her.
And the sneaky friend zone can even happen to you at online dating. You’re texting her, and then she suddenly says she just wants to be friends. But don’t worry. I’ll show you how to get out of the friend zone through text later in the article.
4. The casual friend zone (you’re just friends with benefits)
This is the least likely scenario of them all. But in over a decade of coaching men, I’ve seen some clients dealing with this sort of friend zone.
Two friends or roommates agreed to have sex because they were both in a dating dry spell. It’s actually more common than you think, according to a poll taken by Match.com. Now, how do you become more than just friends with benefits?
The good news is that just by having sex, the odds increase in your favor that she wants to be in a relationship with you. Research has shown that women produce oxycontin (the love hormone) during sex. This hormone plays a significant role in making her fall in love with you. This means that you have biology on your side.
So all you got to do now is tell her how you feel. And I’ll show you exactly what to say later in this article. But for now, let’s first take a look at how most men got stuck in the classical friend zone in the first place.
Why you’re stuck in the friend zone
The reason you got into the friend zone in the first place is that you missed the opportunity to make a move on her. You enjoy her company, and you’re afraid that she might reject you if she knows your true intentions.
So you keep postponing and postponing to tell her how you feel. Thought better to stay friends than to never see her again. But…
If you never told or showed her how you feel, how is she supposed to know?
Maybe she likes you, but she has the same fear as you: She’s afraid to tell you how she feels because you might reject her.
Research has even suggested that technically a 100% friendship between a man and a woman isn’t possible. So chances are high that she likes you too. But I know telling her how you feel is easier said than done. That’s why most men make at least one of these three mistakes:
Mistake #1: You never confess your feelings to her
Most guys tend to keep their feelings to themselves without ever telling her. Maintaining this fake friendship while being jealous of all the guys she’s with deep down.
It makes sense to be afraid to lose her if you tell her how you feel, but you can potentially miss out big time if you hesitate.
Back in college, my friend Peter met a beautiful girl named Sandra. He had a giant crush on her. I mean, he was talking about her non-stop all the freaking time. The fun fact is she liked him too. But they never told one another. So all the time through college, they remained friends and were clueless about each other’s feelings.
Years later, they ran into each other. Sandra was already married to some other guy with a kid on the way. They started to talk, and she told him that she had a big crush on him in college. Out of curiosity, she asked him why he never asked her out on a date?
You can imagine the pit in my friend’s stomach when he heard that. He was smiling but inside being crushed because he had never liked a girl as much as her. But too late, he missed his chance.
Mistake #2: Treating her nice and hoping one day she develops romantic feelings for you
Most men have a wrong understanding of how relationships work. They are just imitating what they see in romantic comedies and falling into the Nice Guy Trap.
Pretty much the plot of all romantic comedies is always the same. The movie starts with the woman having multiple romantic interests. Usually, she has to choose between a jerk and a nice guy. In the beginning, she goes for the jerk. But later falls in love with the nice guy because he was always there for her.
The movie ends with a big realization that she misjudged him, and the nice guy ends up being her sole love interest. No wonder a lot of guys see this in movies and will start acting the same way:
Always being there for her… doing favors for her… until eventually, she wants to be in a romantic relationship with them. But there are two problems with this approach:
- Almost everyone is treating her nicely. So how can she know that you want to be more than friends by being nice?
- More time spent together + more favors alone will not lead to a romantic relationship…
Just think about it… Let’s assume she likes you and has a hard time confessing her feelings to you.
Why should more time and more favors make it easier for her? It didn’t work in the past, so why should it work now or in the future?
Mistake Nr.3: Try to kiss her while you are both drunk
This will ultimately lead to an embarrassing rejection. Studies have shown that it’s normal to overestimate how much our female friends are into us, especially while being drunk.
But even if she should reciprocate the kiss, chances are she’ll feel guilty and uncomfortable the next day. So you can literally kiss your friendship goodbye.
Now, you might be asking yourself… How can I tell if she feels the same way about me as I do about her? Is there maybe a way to not risk rejection at all?
Signs you’re just a friend to her
I was thinking long and hard about if I should talk about signs in this article. Because looking for signs to decide if she wants to be with you or not has one major flaw as you’ll see in a second. But they can help guide you to make a rational decision, so let’s take a look at them:
1. She talks about her crush
If she talks about her crush, it usually means that you’re just a friend. Now, I say “usually” because I’ve seen women who will talk to you about other guys on purpose. To figure out if you like them or not. They want to test if you’re jealous and provoke you to tell them how you feel.
2. She plays matchmaker
A woman who wants to be with you wouldn’t try to set you up with her friends. Women are actually highly competitive about the guys they like, so they don’t want to share you with anyone they know. Believe it or not, it’s actually quite challenging for them to find a guy they genuinely like.
But this could simply be a test. She might want to see if you like any of her friends better than her. And secretly hopes you will not be interested in them.
3. She makes fun of you when you suggest being lovers
Whenever you suggest that you could be more than friends, she immediately brushes it off. What looks like a clear sign of disinterest at first can also just mean she’s protecting herself from being hurt. What do I mean?
She’s afraid that you might only joke and aren’t really serious. While she, on the other hand, actually wants to be more than friends. But she doesn’t want to look stupid in front of you by accidentally telling you the truth.
As you see, all the obvious signs that she doesn’t want to be with you could simply be tests or an indication that she’s shy. So you shouldn’t look for signs that she just wants to be friends. Because those can be misleading.
Actually, the same goes for signs that you’re leaving the friend zone or, in other words, signs a woman is sexually attracted to you. The danger is that you postpone telling her how you feel until you see a confirmation that she likes you too.
But if you wait, you’re wasting time. You could be dating her already. Or even worse, another guy could swipe in and take her from you. And now you have to wait until she’s single again. That’s the main lesson I wanted you to learn and remember about friend zone signs. Don’t let signs stop you from getting out of the friend zone.
You might think now: “Okay, Herman, I get it. Just tell me, how the heck are you supposed to escape the friend zone?” Here’s how…
How to be more than just friends
Most people would advise you that you need to first work on yourself, and then hopefully, one day, she’ll magically be yours.
But if you’re stuck in the classical friend zone, then maybe she already likes you the way you’re but is simply too shy to tell you. Studies have revealed that women still prefer a more traditional approach to romance. Meaning that she waits for you to make the first move.
That’s why hoping to get out of the friend zone in the future can be a pointless endeavor. Why waste your time “working on yourself” only for her to give up and settle for the next best guy?
What you need is something you can use the next time you see her. What you need is my Friend Zone Liberator.
It’s an efficient way to express how you feel, consisting of two steps that you can use to get out of the friend zone immediately without risking losing her forever. Here’s how I used it in the past to escape the friend zone myself and how you can do it too…
Anna and I were friends (for about two years) before we started dating. When we met, I was in a relationship with someone else, and so was she. But we texted almost every day, and once we were single, the first thing I did was to tell her the following in person:
“I’m really nervous right now. We’ve been friends for a long time, and I don’t want to risk losing our friendship forever. I was too afraid to admit it in the past. The truth is, I really like you.”
And this was the beginning of our relationship.
We would never have dated if I had never told her how I felt. Now, you can use the exact words I did. Or create your very own Friend Zone Liberator. Here are the two steps you need for that:
The Friend Zone Liberator
Step 1: Have the courage to face your fear
Admitting what has been holding you back from telling her the truth has many advantages. You’ll create an instant connection because, most likely, she felt the same way as you.
Also, you’ll start your relationship on the right foot by being honest with her. It demonstrates that she can trust you. Research has shown trust is very important for women in a partner. No relationship ever failed because a woman said: “I just can’t trust him enough.”
And last but not least, if you shouldn’t end up getting together yet, then she’ll still be friends with you. Because you said that she’s important to you and you don’t want to lose her.
If she’s a work colleague, the bonus is that no HR department on this planet would consider this sexual harassment. Here’s again what I said so you can use this as an example to create your own version:
I’m really nervous right now. We’ve been friends for a long time, and I don’t want to risk losing our friendship forever. I was too afraid to admit it in the past.
Step 2: Tell her that you find her attractive
To not leave any room for misinterpretation, you need to tell her that you don’t see her as a friend, but that you’re having a romantic interest in her. It can be as simple as I did:
The truth is, I really like you.
And these are the two steps you need to craft your own Friend Zone Liberator. Give it a try. You can only win. Your friendship will not suffer from it, and you might find out she’s crazy about you as well.
To encourage you to tell her how you feel the next time you see her, I want to share two things. First, you’ll most likely enjoy a better relationship than people who just met randomly. Because you already know each other so well.
And second, a study has found that two-thirds of all couples start out as first being friends. So the odds are stacked in your favor that she feels the same about you. But what if she should say no? Does it mean it’s game over?
What to do if she just wants to stay friends?
If she should turn you down, it doesn’t mean it has to be a no forever. Once she said no, the key to overcoming the friend zone is feeling and projecting true abundance with women. And I don’t mean you need to have 15 girlfriends and go on 20 dates a week.
What I mean by abundance is having the skill set to get a girl when you feel like it. That way, you demonstrate to her that your entire love life isn’t just centered around her. And this will make you a potential romantic partner in her eyes.
It’s an unspoken secret that a girl doesn’t like to admit. But she doesn’t want to be your only choice. She wants you to be able to get other women. And this has been proven in recent studies as well.
In fact, I can tell you the story of my client Ljudevit (aka Ludo). Ljudevit had a crush on a female friend in high school. When he told her how he felt, she wasn’t interested. And instead was dating other guys. You can imagine how devastated he felt.
Anyhow a few years later, he trained with me. I taught him my Efficient Dating Systems to get and keep an attractive woman. And afterward, he began going on dates with various women.
Then a few months later, he ran into his high school crush. One thing led to another, and they ended up being in a relationship. What changed was that she saw him as boyfriend material because of his newfound skillset and abundance mentality.
So don’t be discouraged if she turns you down. You can still change her mind, and by reading this, you’re taking the first step in the right direction.
Bonus tip: Start to work on your skillset to get women by checking out my article about how to create sexual tension.
Think about it if a woman is sexually attracted to you… do you think she just wants to be friends?
Now, as I mentioned earlier, we still need to talk about how to get out of the friend zone with a girl you met on Tinder.
How to get out of the friend zone with a girl through texting
If you met a girl online and she says she’s only interested in having a male friend, don’t sweat it. It doesn’t mean that she’s seriously thinking about being friends with you. Honestly you think she signed up to Tinder to find male friends?
But most guys take it too literally and then start to argue or insult her for wasting their time. It’s the wrong approach because you’ll not convince her using logic to be more than a good friend. And insults definitely won’t help.
So instead, text her “That’s great” (something non-reactive) and continue talking with her as you usually would. And then suggest hanging out. Once you meet, use your eye contact, body language, and voice tonality to create sexual tension.
You simply cannot create the same sexual chemistry online as you could in real life. And once she’s attracted to you in the real world, she’ll quickly change her mind about just wanting to be friends.
Now, if you want to avoid your next match to see you as a friend. Then you need to create a profile that makes her excited to date you.
And you need to learn how to text with her properly to sparkle her interest in you. Always start by writing a first message that makes your intentions very clear. This brings me to how to avoid the friend zone once and for all…
How to avoid the friend zone forever
Next time you meet a woman you’re interested in, I want you to do those three things straight away to help you stay clear of the friend zone forever.
- When you meet a woman at a party or work, once you’re alone with her, say: “I didn’t want to make a big fuss about it in front of the others. But I like you and would love to get to know you better.”
- When you approach or meet a new girl online, simply tell her why you talking to her. Just say that you like her or what you find attractive about her. So there can be no doubt about your intentions.
- On your first date, always go for the kiss. Then she can’t possibly say that she thought you just wanted to be friends.
Remember, women don’t put guys in the classical friend zone. Men put themselves there. Because they’re hiding their true intentions out of fear of being rejected.
Your Efficient Dating Advisor,
Herman The German