No intro for ‘planned dates or spontaneous dates’ is needed.
Just answers.
Here’s what you’re about to discover:
Spontaneous dates vs planned dates
If you’ve been consuming any mainstream dating advice, you’ve certainly come across sentences like:
“Be spontaneous.”
“Be mysterious.”
“Be adventurous.”
“Shave your balls.”
Okay, the last one was a joke, but it’s also somewhat true.
It’s easy to think spontaneous dates are a smart idea… when, in reality, they are not.
As much as you’d like to be seen as an interesting guy, don’t make the mistake most men do: neglecting the woman’s perspective.
Let me explain:
Women want to feel secure and comfortable – especially if they don’t know you yet.
Imagine a stranger rings at your door, asking you to go out and have some fun…
It would feel weird, right?
So the last thing you want to give her is a surprise she’s not ready for.
The fact is that women prefer planned dates.
But does that mean spontaneous dates suck?
Heavens, no! You just need to know when and how.
– Backed by behavioral science…
Send it, see how women respond, and use this conversation starter anytime you want:
When to plan a date… and when not
If you meet her for the first time, ALWAYS go for a planned date.
Unlike guys, women take more time to prepare for the first date, like thinking about what to wear. If she’s excited to see you, she wants you to like what you see.
Makes sense, right?
Planning the date also gives you more options to have a more exciting time. For example, you could book tickets for a show or let her know in advance how she should dress for the date.
Don’t keep it a secret about what you’ll do, or else she comes in a summerdress to a climbing date.
Not a good start.
So what about spontaneous dates?
Yes, women love to be surprised.
It’s one of the key ingredients to keep the spice in your relationship.
This means for you: spontaneous dates work the best when you’re already dating. So, delay your inner Indiana Jones.
Being adventurous and full of surprises is good, but only after she feels comfortable with you.
The ONE exception:
Instant dates!
If you approach a woman in public and she is showing you signs of sexual attraction… like asking you about your plans for the day, you can go for an instant date.
In that case, keep it simple and go for a coffee. It should be a cozy place with plenty of people where she can feel safe.
Practical tips for better dates
Now, let’s look at what some good date ideas can be and how you can ask her out.
Tip #1: Planned date ideas
If it’s the first date, I want you to remember one thing.
You could call it the first law of dating physics if you want:
“Motion creates emotion.”
– Herman The German
Doing some activity that involves physical movement helps you to bring more excitement to your dates.
Good first-date ideas include:
- Visit a fighting lesson
- Do a photography session
- Visit an art gallery
- Go to a street festival
- Visit a free Salsa course
- Do a drumming workshop
- Let her show you her city (if you’re traveling)
- Impro theaters (not a physical activity, but you’ll laugh a lot)
- Or… just go for a walk in the park (low budget)
- Climbing is another nice activity
The options are endless…
And if photography is your thing, one of my clients used to do what’s called Light Painting. It’s a fun activity you can do when you meet in the evening. You’ll have fun pictures of your first date, and who knows… it might become a cherished memory for both of you.
Tip #2: Horrible first-date ideas
Where’s light, there’s also shadow. Avoid the following first-date ideas at all costs:
- Dinner dates
- Cinema visits
- Swimming/Spa dates
- Inviting her to your family (lol)
- Anything extraordinary to flex (keep your private jet dates for later)
Basically, avoid anything where you’re restricted from talking and getting to know each other… or places that could make her feel uncomfortable.
Tip #3: How to ask her out for a planned date
Let’s say you got her number.
You’ve been chatting for a while. Things are looking good, and you want to ask her out.
(Pssst, by the way: here’s an article on how to know if she’s ready to be asked out).
You can say the following:
“What does your schedule look like?”
She might say: “I’m free on Tuesday.”
You: “Will be busy on Monday, but Tuesday looks good. Let’s meet at 5 pm in front of [location].”
The goal here is to assume she’ll come. Don’t ask her if she’ll be 100% there, just agree on the time and let her know where to meet. And if you plan on doing something that requires special clothing, let her know.
Bonus tip:
If you think your first date was good, schedule a second one on the spot:
“I know FHM and Men’s Health tell me to wait 3 days before contacting you again… But I’m not so into mind games. How does your schedule look next week?”
Have fun.
Tip #4: Spontaneous date ideas
No need to do anything overly crazy or creative.
In fact, it’s even better to be simple, because you don’t need to prepare anything, and neither does she.
Good ideas include:
- Coffee next to her place
- Tickets to an event that’s happening the same day
- Surprise visit to her favorite restaurant
The main key here: demonstrate that you’ve listened and surprised her with something she enjoys.
Tip #5: How to ask her out on a spontaneous date
Depending on the situation, you might text her something like:
“Hey, I’m close by, let’s grab a coffee.”
Or, just show up at her work at the end of the day to surprise her.
Lastly, if you’re trying to get an instant date with a woman you just met, say:
“What are you up to right now?”
If she says she’s not busy at the moment or hasn’t planned anything, simply suggest sitting down for a coffee and continuing the conversation.
Congrats. You just got an instant date.
*Shoulder tap*
Your Efficient Dating Advisor,
Herman The German
Some other questions that deserve answers:
How should a date be planned?
If it’s the first date, do something simple. No overnight trips or expensive and overly time-consuming activities. Plus, let her know in advance what you’ve planned so she knows what to expect.
How far in advance should dates be planned?
One week is plenty. 3-5 days are usually enough. No need to look like an obsessive planner.
Who plans dates in a relationship?
Both of you should equally invest time and effort into your relationship whenever possible. If only one of you plans dates, it may be a good idea to find out why that is.
Should the guy be planning dates?
Like above, yes and no. It’s ok to do it in the beginning. But once you’re in a relationship, both of you should take the time to plan a date from time to time. A relationship consists of two people, not one. 🙂
