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17 Revealing signs you are not in the friend zone

17 Revealing signs you are not in the friend zone

Are you or aren’t you? 17 signs you’re not in the friend zone and how to know if she wants more from you…


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17 Revealing signs you are not in the friend zone

Women can be confusing.

Even contradictory. 

If you’re currently seeing this one girl and wonder if she thinks of you as more than a friend, I have good news. 

There’s a handful of signs to help you decide if you can take things to the next level. 

And some of them can be extremely revealing. 

Like sign #5, that cost me a guaranteed date because I couldn’t read her hint. 

Don’t be me. 

Here are 17 signs you are not in the friend zone:

Table of Contents

Sign #1: She insults you

Signs you are not in the friend zone – 1. She insults you

“You dummy.”

Listen closely to how she talks with you. Often, women like to playfully tease or insult you when they feel attracted to you. They might even touch you while saying it. In this case, it’s almost safe to say she likes you. 

Obviously, if she’s screaming and throwing her Starbucks coffee at you, she’s probably not so much into you. So watch out.

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Sign #2: She initiates a text conversation

Signs you are not in the friend zone – 2. She initiates a text conversation
This girl reached out to me via SMS to make sure we could talk on WhatsApp. It’s a clear sign that she’s into me.

I had a friend who wasn’t sure what this woman was thinking about him.

When they were texting, she seemed passive. Her responses were short, and he felt like she wasn’t really into him. So he asked me what he did wrong. 

Looking at the conversation, I told him to just keep going and ask her for a date.

He thought I was joking and decided to stop texting her. The next day, she initiated the conversation: “Good morning, sunshine”.

From that moment on, he knew: She. Wants. The. Date. 

Generally, whenever a woman initiates a conversation with you, it’s a good sign. But wishing you a good morning or evening is even stronger.

Sign #3: She laughs at your (bad) jokes

Signs you are not in the friend zone – 3. She laughs at your (bad) jokes

Imagine a world where women would come up to you and say: “I feel attracted to you. Wanna go on a date?”

Life would be much simpler. You wouldn’t hunt for signs you’re not in the friend zone. 

But if there’s one sign that comes up again and again it’s her laughing at your joke, even if it’s terrible.

It’s like the OG of signs. 

sign she’s sexually attracted to you.  

If you notice it, tap yourself on the shoulder and proceed like a man. 

Good luck.

Sign #4: She invites herself

Signs you are not in the friend zone – 4. She invites herself

It was a beautiful Friday summer night.

And I met this cool Latin girl at a student’s party. We had a really smooth and fun vibe together. It felt almost effortless talking to her. A few jokes and one kiss later, we exchanged numbers and texted each other the next days.

(Yes, nothing more happened that night because she had a headache later.)

When the next weekend finally arrived, I told her that I’d be partying again and asked her to join. She couldn’t, letting me know she was busy studying for an exam that night.

“No problem,” I texted and met with a few friends.

Then it happened:

A few hours later, she called me.

“Hey, I just arrived at the party, where are you?”

She changed her mind, came to see me regardless of her busy schedule, and basically invited herself to join me spontaneously. 

And yes, that night, we went home together. *High-five*.

Sign #5: She asks where you live

Signs you are not in the friend zone – 5. She invites herself

I almost want to cry writing this. 

I remember talking to a girl back in my hometown in Germany over a decade ago.

We had a lot of common interests, and I thought I could go for her number. When I asked her, her response surprised me:

“By the way, where do you live? How far is it from the main station?”

Me being confused and not getting what was going on, “Uh… I’d say it’s quite close. Maybe 20 minutes by train. Why?”

“Just asking,” she replied.

I proceeded to save her number, hugged her, and went on.

Turns out: she was from another city, and I didn’t get what she was trying to say.

Namely, she hoped I’d get the hint that she wanted to come to my place.

Plus, women tend to check if you’re close so it’s easy to get to your place and back.

So what happened in the end?

We were texting back and forth, and I realized she was really into me… but too sad, because there was no second chance. 

Sign #6: She’s looking her best around you

Signs you are not in the friend zone – 6. She's looking her best around you

Pay attention to this. 

How is she dressing when you’re around?

Does she invest more time than usual into her outfit and looks?

If so, she probably wants you to notice her. In that case, let her know. Tell her what you think about her style. It can be something simple, such as: 

“Omg, you look terrific today.” 


“You make me nervous in that dress. It looks really good on you.”

See how she reacts. If she’s happy about it or even starts blushing: 


Time to ask her out.  

Sign #7: She shows you off to her friends

Signs you are not in the friend zone – 7. She shows you off to her friends

Let’s say you’ve been seeing a woman for a while.

If she’s meeting her friends and asks you to join, that’s a sign.

Women often do that to get approval from their friends to date you. 

Plus, if she’s really into you, she can show you off and tell all her friends what a great guy you are. 

So the next time a girl invites you to meet her friends, bring out your A game. Enjoy yourself and talk to them all. Be friendly and curious. It will be worth it. 

Sign #8: She meets you even if she’s busy

Signs you are not in the friend zone – 8. She meets you even if she's busy

We’ve all been there.

You’re trying to set up a date with a woman you like.

And then she’s giving you the ‘I’m too busy’ treatment without offering alternatives.

If that happens, it’s usually game over.

But surprise, surprise: What if it’s the other way around?

If a woman wants to meet you regardless of her busy schedule?

Congratulations, you’ve made it.

You’re not only out of the friend zone, you’re most likely in the I-want-to-see-him-badly zone.


Or, like a German would say: Prost!

Sign #9: She buys you gifts

Signs you are not in the friend zone – 9. She buys you gifts

Classic gentleman move:

Like 99% of all men, you probably have been (or are thinking about) buying a flower or gift for a girl to express your feelings at some point. But it can also be the other way around:

When she keeps buying you small gifts without wanting anything in return, she’s trying to buy your love.

But why would she do this?

There’s an interesting book called, The Five Love Languages. In this book, the author describes how people express and receive love in different ways.

One of these 5 ways is by making or receiving gifts. 

What are the other four love languages?

  • Quality time
  • Physical touch
  • Acts of service
  • Words of affirmation

It’s a really interesting read and can help you better understand your loved ones. You can grab a copy of the book on Amazon and see how to apply the 5 love languages yourself (and discover your own love language, of course).

Sign #10: She goes the extra mile for you

Signs you are not in the friend zone – 10. She goes the extra mile for you

It was 9 in the morning when she rang at my door. 

I was barely awake, still half-dreaming about how I’d shoot a winning penalty goal like Messi.   

When I went down to see who it was, I was pleasantly surprised:

A girl I had seen lately was holding a chocolate cake in her hand. With the brightest and cutest smile a man could ever wish for, she said: 

“Happy birthday Herman! I was slaving all night to make this cake for you. I hope you like it”. 

That’s Polish girls for you. Straightforward, with a tiny sprinkle of guilt-inducing language. 

But little did small Herman know: it was a massive sign of her trying to get my attention, and I didn’t get it. 

Needless to say, a few years later, she told me how she was waiting for me to make a move. 

Poor little Herman. 

So watch out whenever a woman invests a lot of time and effort to help or surprise you.

Sign #11: She’s closing the distance

Signs you are not in the friend zone – 11. She's closing the distance

Classic movie moment: You’re friends and watching a movie at your place. 

Suddenly, she comes close and leans against you. Or she rests her head on your shoulder. 

There are most likely sparks of attraction between the two of you.

The worst thing you can do now:

Do nothing and act as if it’s not a big deal. 

Instead, acknowledge that attraction. 


“Is it just me or does it get hot in here?”, and lean forward to kiss her.

To direct? Then say: “I don’t want to risk losing our friendship, but I have the strong urge to kiss you.”

This way, you show social intelligence but also communicate your intention and desire clearly to her. Go for whatever feels right for you at that moment. Both ways work. 

Sign #12: She compliments your personality

Signs you are not in the friend zone – 12. She compliments your personality

“I like how you’re always [something that makes you blush hehe]”.

Whatever she says about you, if it’s about your personality, it’s usually a good sign. She values your character and even takes the time to acknowledge it.

On its own, this sign might not be the most obvious one, but if coupled with any of the other ones, she probably likes you. 

Or, if she compliments you more than once, even several times, this sign becomes an obvious one. She wants you to feel good and notice her. Now we’re talking. 

Sign #13: She never mentions other guys

Signs you are not in the friend zone – 13. She never mentions other guys

She doesn’t want you to get jealous. 

Nor does she want you to think she’s seeing other guys. 

She just wants you

On the other hand, if she’s talking about other guys with you, I’m sorry.

You’re in the friend zone. 

Luckily, there are ways to get out of the friend zone, but it’s not as easy as using a UNO reverse card.

Once friend-zoned, it can take quite some time to change things in your favor, depending on the type of friend zone you’re in.

Sign #14: She doesn’t help you get women

Signs you are not in the friend zone – 14. She doesn't help you get women

Vitamin B works in dating, too.

Getting ‘recommended’ by a female friend as a date is sometimes the easiest way to meet new women. 

But if she won’t introduce you to other women even if you beg her, that’s a green light. 

Take it as a sign of her wanting you all for herself.

Now, there might also be other reasons why she doesn’t want to introduce you to her female friends. So pay close attention to how she reacts when you ask her to introduce you. 

Sometimes she may think you’re not a great fit for her friends. You need to be able to read between the lines, otherwise, you’ll get false hope.   

Sign #15: She asks you for fashion advice

Signs you are not in the friend zone – 15. She asks you for fashion advice
A friend of mine asked me which swimsuit fits her better. A good sign she wants to be more than just friends.  

She doesn’t need to send you nudes to signal her attraction.

If she’s sending you pictures in bikinis, dresses, or other good clothes, she’s trying to entice you to meet her. 

Heck, she’ll probably wear that same outfit when you meet her. 

Take it as a sign you’re still in the game and ask her out:

“Looks great. Is that an invitation to meet up? :)”.

Sign #16: She asks you out one of the clearest signs you are not in the friend zone

Signs you are not in the friend zone – 16. She asks you for fashion advice
When a woman asks you out like this, it’s the ultimate sign you’re leaving the friend zone. 

It’s pretty self-explanatory.

She is putting your friendship on the line to date you.

But beware: 

This sign can be subtle. She could just ask you if you’re free on the weekend. 

Or, “What are you doing tonight?”, “I have nothing to do today.”, and so on. 

In that case, always lead the conversation. Try making plans for a date. Take action immediately if you can.

Your Efficient Dating Advisor,

Herman The German 

Signs you are not in the friend zone – Become Her Man logo

P.S. “Wait, what?! Where is sign 17?”…

Expecting always to get what you asked for is a bad habit. Life is unpredictable, and the girl you’re into can be, too.

You can study all the signs in the world, yet the girl you want might not show any of these. Or she might express them differently. Will this stop you from going after her?

You’ll only know what she thinks about you once you go out to get her, tiger. Now it’s your turn. You know what to do.

Guten Tag, I’m Herman the German, original inventor of the Efficient Dating Systems Made in Germany.

I help smart, single men finally get and keep the girl they really want.

Using my background as a Frankfurt-trained financial engineer, I went on a quest to find dating patterns that truly work – my friends asked me to use my cold analytical skills to help them notice recurring patterns in their dating life.

This has been my single obsession since 2012.

Throughout my decade-long research, I was interviewed by German media, curious to know what I’d identified. And I was invited on many occasions to talk on stage as a guest expert – although I prefer the term life-long learner as I keep discovering new principles and techniques in my private practice.

As an introduction to my systems, I’m offering you to try my proven conversation starter template to make almost any woman interested in you, at no cost.

Claim your welcome gift now at: www.becomeherman.com/discover/

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