Top 12 first date mistakes men make + how to fix them

The first date is the most important one. 

If you mess it up, your chances of seeing her again are zero. So you should be careful and try to avoid as many first-date mistakes as possible.

On the other hand, if your first date went well, your chances for date number two will increase drastically.

To not ruin the first date, you should look out for a couple of things. Sure, you should dress appropriately, not smell like a pig and show some manners… 

But these are generally easy fixes to avoid an embarrassing first date. 

So in this post, I’ll talk about less obvious mistakes you should avoid before and during your first date. Mistakes I discovered while helping men for over 10 years to attract and keep the woman they want. 

And if you already went on a terrible date but would like to get a second chance… then I’ve got you covered as well:

12 First date mistakes stopping you from getting a second date

Here are 12 first date mistakes you should avoid: 

1. Calling the date a “date”

Going on a date creates a lot of stress and anxiety in many women. 

What?

I know this sounds weird, so hear me out. A study has shown that men and women tend to alter their behavior on first dates. By calling it a “date,” your date will turn into a job interview and not a pleasant experience. 

That’s why I advise you to ask her to meet up or hang out.

2. Not saying in advance what the date is going to be like

If you think you should play mysterious or try to surprise her, you’d better not. 

Especially if she’s meeting you for the first time, you’ll likely both feel nervous. So don’t overcomplicate the situation even more. For a woman, it’s essential to feel comfortable and safe. 

According to a survey done by Match.com, 79% of all women said comfort is the most crucial thing they look for on a date.  

So if you plan to do sports or anything that requires specific clothing, just tell her your plans. 

Or risk her being pissed about coming to the date unprepared.

3. Avoid a wine and dine date

Do not go to a restaurant or the cinema with her. 

The problem with these dates is that you won’t get a chance to get to know her. You can’t talk properly if you sit there and focus on eating or watching a movie. So don’t book a dinner table. Instead, go on a simple coffee date. Especially if you met her on a dating app.

Additionally, she won’t worry about what you expect of her for paying for such an expensive meal.

Something which has been confirmed in various studies.

4. Avoid small talk

Did you ever ask yourself what the first date is actually for? 

I’ll tell you:

It’s to see if you are a good fit. And I don’t mean a good fit for just a relationship. It can be for casually dating as well.

So how do you do that?

Well, it’s by connecting on a deeper emotional level. And connecting with someone means going beyond small talk. It means asking questions to find out what drives her.

What does she enjoy doing and why?

What does she try to avoid and why?

You’ll see her real character by getting answers to these open-ended questions. Try digging deeper the next time you talk to a girl. Getting truly to know each other is how most solid relationships begin. 

Oh, and of course, topics to avoid on the first date are religion, politics, and money. 

These are usually emotionally charged topics and can cause the whole conversation to go in an unpleasant direction. But suppose the topics come up somehow, and your opinions don’t match. 

In that case, it’s best to agree to disagree and switch topics.

5. Focusing too much on body language signs

Would you believe it? 

Some of the most viewed YouTube videos on dating are about body language signs. And I get it. Being able to read her body language sounds like a magical cheat code to find out what she thinks. 

In other words, it feels less risky to move things forward when you look for signs that a woman is sexually attracted to you first. But looking for signs is more likely to sabotage your success with women, because they can be hard to read correctly. 

For example, a woman could suddenly turn away or avoid eye contact. Does that mean she’s not into you? Not at all. Because she might just be nervous and/or shy.

While signs can help you feel more at ease, they should not be your main focus if you want to seduce a woman. 

6. Not planning your date ahead

Did you ever feel lost for words during a date? 

What have you done the last time it happened? 

Did you enjoy the awkward silence? 

Most likely not. 

But this might happen to you if you spend your whole date sitting at a coffee shop. At some point, you might run out of things to say. And the easiest way to avoid that is to go somewhere else. Go play some billiards or go for a walk outside. 

Doing something different and more active is the easiest way to revive the conversation.

7. Talking about your ex

Avoid talking about your ex at all costs.

Yes, it’s even worse than religion, politics and the weather. It’s the top red flag she’s looking for. Your date will assume you’re still not over your ex. And if that happens, you can say bye-bye to a second date. 

Only talk about your ex if she’s asking you. 

And if she does, keep this one thing in mind: Do not badmouth your ex… ever!

Instead, say something nice like, “She is cool, but we want different things.” 

Why?

Because if you talk badly about your ex, she will assume you have a toxic attitude towards women.

8. Not taking the lead

Avoid asking her things like:

“Where should we sit?” 

“When should we leave?” 

“What do you want to do?”

Asking those questions is the fastest way to get her annoyed. 

Don’t get me wrong. You can still ask what she likes or prefers… like “What do you think about [topic]?”

And if she likes it, you can follow up with: “Cool, let’s do [topic].”

But you invited her, so take the lead. Tell her where you’ll meet up and what exactly you’ll do. An exception is when you’re new in town, then you can ask her to show you around. So you lead her anyway by telling her to guide you. 

Most men are confused because they’re not sure what women want from men.

Women want to be treated equally in the workforce.

But studies have shown that most women prefer more traditional gender roles in relationships.

9. Not establishing physical contact

If you’re attracted to her, you need to show her. 

The problem with being passive is that she’ll wonder if you’re interested in her or not.

So instead of showing how respectful you are, you’ll send the wrong message.

10. Don’t apologize for making a move

If she’s blocking your attempts to touch her, take a step back and chill.

Many guys apologize or start arguing about why she’s not accepting their advances, which is a big mistake. Instead, you should be non-reactive. For example, if she pushes your hand away after you try to touch her, just say, “No problem.”

Or nod and continue talking until she feels more comfortable. And then try again. Studies have shown women prefer laid-back guys. 

11. Avoid a goodbye kiss

Most guys don’t know when to go for the kiss, so they wait for the ‘perfect moment.’ 

What will happen is that in front of her doorstep, you’d be thinking: “Sh*t, I have to make a move!” The whole situation will start to feel tense. And if she’s tense, chances are she’ll block your kiss.

That’s why go for the kiss in the middle of the date. 

When it’s least expected.

12. Not going for the first kiss at all

You should not wait till the end with a kiss. 

But you should try to go for it during the date. 

Why? 

Even if she blocks your kiss, it usually means: “I’m not ready yet.” And it’s not a rejection.

More importantly, if she shows up to the 2nd date, she knows about your intentions. And you can be sure she’s interested. So you can only win.

Also, if you don’t go for a kiss during the first date… latest the second, you might fall into the friend zone. 

So don’t shoot yourself in the foot and go for it.

What should you do if you mess up your first date? 

Honesty is the key to still having a chance.

Text her as fast as possible when she is most likely to see your message. For example, at 9 pm on a weekday, before she goes to bed. Simply tell her that you have been nervous and wanted to make an excellent first impression. But in the end, your nerves got the best of you.

So you would like to make up for it, and if she’s free next weekend.

Most women will appreciate your honesty. 

Now, if she already told you she had a wonderful time, but doesn’t want to keep your hopes up. Don’t worry, I have prepared an article just for you. 

It will show you 17 clear signs a girl doesn’t like you and what you should do to change her mind.

For many years, I thought sign #7 meant it was game over between us. But then I discovered how to overcome it and still get the girl.

Your Efficient Dating Advisor,

Herman The German