“You guys are such lucky bastards,” my dad said.
He followed up with: “In my time… we had to walk 10 miles barefoot through a snowstorm to hit on girls at a smoky and overcrowded bar.”
I answered: “Yes, dad, I’ve heard this story 1000s of times.”
He is so jealous because, at our age, he had to dress up, put on cologne, and buy girls drinks if he wanted to meet someone.
For him, online dating feels like we young guys get dates served faster than food in a Korean restaurant. We can sit at home, watch Netflix and meet girls all day.
But is online dating really all sunshine and lollipops?
Or does online dating only work for the ultimate Gigachads among us?
Maybe the old ways still work better if you want to find the girl you like. Time to find out…
Let’s put online and real-life dating to the test and help you decide what’s better (especially if you’re shy). Here are the 6 crucial differences between online and real-life dating:
1: The first move
Real-Life dating: As my dad always says, even with a hooker, you have to make the first move. And approaching women in a bar, coffee shop, or at a house party is way harder than swiping right on Tinder. Online you don’t experience the same fear of rejection as in the real world.
Our subconscious didn’t catch up to our way of living as city dwellers and smartphone junkies.
Your subconscious believes that you live in a small village of 150 people (Dunbar number). Even if you call New York City your home. And if you get rejected by a girl in front of other people, not only will you end up being single, but you’ll become a lonely outcast. Living the rest of your life like Tom Hanks in Castaway. Calling a ball with a painted face your only friend.
That’s why it’s so easy to logically understand that all you have to do to get the girl is go over and talk to her and why it feels so damn hard at the same time. So if you want to be successful in real-life dating, you must first learn how to overcome your fear of rejection.
Online dating: Online, your subconscious fears rejection as much as Elon Musk fears being able to pay his rent.
The odds of someone you know finding out if a woman doesn’t match or replies to you is almost 0. That’s why most guys have no problem texting 100 women a day but would rather cut their right leg off than say hello to a girl in Starbucks.
Real-life dating: Most guys can’t talk to girls without the help from wingmen like Jack Daniels and Johnnie Walker. And outside of clubs, bars, and house parties, they believe talking to women is impossible.
On the other hand, douchebags with no fear are busy catcalling and harassing attractive women. Which is something a lot of women complain about, including my female friends.
So if you’re a regular guy with the balls to approach, not only will she be glad to finally meet someone normal, but also other guys will stare at you. They would sell their own mother to be able to do the same.
My last client Andrew texted me yesterday. He approached a girl while riding the Prager metro. What surprised him the most was not that he got her number but that after she got off at her stop, a random guy came up to him asking how he did it.
What separates Andrew from the random guy? Andrew worked on becoming a confident man. If you have true self-confidence, then talking to her in any situation isn’t a problem. And that’s one of the biggest, if not the biggest advantage of real-life dating.
Online dating: Tinder is so convenient and risk-free that you have to deal with a lot of competition. In fact, according to Statista, 75.8% of Tinder users are male. This means women have their pick while we have to fight for their attention. I know; this sucks and is unfair. But don’t hate the female player; hate the Tinder game.
If you want to dominate on Tinder…
You need to learn how to create a profile that grabs her attention and how to send her a first message she can’t resist. Otherwise, you compete on looks alone. And the guy with the Greek god physique will always have more matches than regular guys like us. But once your profile is set, you can get tons of matches quickly by making use of the best time to use Tinder Boost if you want.
3: Communication Speed
Real-life dating: You have to reply to her almost instantly, so there isn’t much time to think about what you’ll say next. But the upside is you can usually get her number much faster than online.
Online dating: When texting online, you can take your time to think about what you should text her next. If you want, you could even wait a few days to reply to her. But just as much of an advantage that is to online dating, it’s also a downside. Simply because, it takes longer to get a girl out on a date compared to meeting her outside.
4: First Date Expectations
Real-life dating: You‘ve already met her, you know what she looks like, and that she is real. Unless she joins a cult and shaves her head, she’ll show up to your date as you‘ve expected.
Online dating: You can never know 100% who’s behind the profile you text with. It could be the woman of your dreams. Or it could be a 40-year-old unemployed guy named Mitch living in a trailer with his cat Rudy. Unless you agree to a video date before meeting her in person you have to pray and hope for the best.
Plus, you have to accept that even if she is who she says she is, she’ll probably not look the same as she does on her images.
Real-life dating: You need to get dressed, leave the house and go outside to have the chance to meet someone. And often, the cute girl you talk to after taking all your courage is already in a relationship. Leaving you bitter and disappointed.
That’s why you should never go out to specifically meet women. Instead, make talking to women part of your daily routine. For example, if you go grocery shopping and see a girl you like, go over and talk to her. Even if things don’t go your way, you won’t dwell on it at home because your plan was to just go shopping anyway. If she says no, then you didn’t win anything, but you didn’t lose anything either.
Online dating: The average match rate for a guy on Tinder is a breath-taking 0.6%. Despite having millions of female users, the odds are that most guys on Tinder will end up with a very low match count.
So it’s not surprising that Tinder can feel like a desert sometimes. You’re so thirsty that you start to see water, but if you come closer, it’s an illusion.
But, if you get Tinder to work for youTinder works for you, the freedom of choice can be overwhelming. You can end up texting with many girls simultaneously. A first-world Problem every guy would be thrilled to have.
Real-life dating: Technically, you are ready to meet someone as soon as you step out of the house. But if you’re too afraid to approach women that ain’t happening.
Online dating: You must sign up for a dating app and create a profile first. And this can be a pretty time-consuming and daunting task if you want to do it right.
You need to know the best types of pictures to use, in what order to present them to tell a story, and craft a great bio. And to get optimal results… you need to ask for female feedback on your pictures and bio, plus figure out how the app’s algorithm works.
I know, I know…
It sounds like a lot, but it’s worth the effort. Once complete, a good profile will be your best wingman attracting hot women for you even while you’re asleep.
So should you trash your phone and become the next noble prince in your town instead?
Both ways have pros and cons. Which one is better suited for you depends on your personality, skillset, and how much spare time you have.
That being said, I’ll give you the same recommendation I always give my clients. Don’t give up on online dating altogether, no matter how fed up you are with it. Online dating has a lot of other benefits as well.
You can practice your flirting skills from the comfort of your home with virtually zero fear of rejection. It’s kind of like playing GTA. You get killed and respawn a few seconds later as if nothing happened. So online dating is perfect for improving your conversation skills if you’re a shy and introverted guy.
See it as a dating video game to build self-esteem and feel less nervous around hot women. And the best part is you can still end up getting dates while “practicing.”
Our dads would have killed for our technology. Sharpening their seduction skills in a zero-risk environment was science fiction for them.
This tiny mindset shift will help you feel more relaxed next time you’re on Tinder. Most guys will see it as their only chance to meet someone, while you see Tinder just as a training ground.
Your Efficient Dating Advisor,
Herman The German